STRINGLESS GUITAR

LUPA

2011-12-12T20:16:00.000-08:00

Ketakutan yang tak berpunca
Kengerian mimpi semata
Mampu membuat aku lupa
Hidup ini mengejar apa
Syurga itu mana pintunya
Tuhan itu seberapa sempurna

How to use 'boring' vs 'bored'.

2011-11-18T07:27:00.001-08:00

"I'm boring. Or am i bored"? Get it? Good.Now, get used to it.

2011-10-28T08:55:00.000-07:00

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I don't know why I put too many. One full stop is enough to tell that the story has ended.

Did you hear that?

2011-10-12T00:15:00.000-07:00

It's foggy
It's blurry
It's scary
And eerie

I wish you were here

Be my eyes
You see clearer
Hold my hands
No one else can be dearer

I wish you were here

I keep walking
But it's getting farther
I keep talking
But it bounces as a whisper
Nothing louder
Than a sound of a feather
Hitting my ear
With its legendary flicker

.........................................

Did you hear that?

I wish you were here.

Kamu-Kamu

2011-09-13T06:54:00.000-07:00

Kamu-kamu
Yang pernah aku selamat dalam genggammu
Yang pernah aku percaya dalam dukungmu
Yang pernah aku bahagia dalam pelukmu
Yang pernah aku senyum dalam belaimu

Kamu-kamu
Manusia yang pernah aku sayang
Masih sayang
Tapi sayang

Sekarang
Kau biar aku lihat
lidahmu menjilat
kudis nanah di hati
lelehan air di pipi
titis darah di akhir nadi
aku ini.

Namun aku masih sayang
Terlalu sayang
Kamu-kamu.

Rabu
6 Julai 2011
1:06pm
Ofis

Pronto

2011-08-23T18:49:00.000-07:00

You have to start doing what you like with your life. Nobody asks you to live miserably.

Get It Right (GLEE)

2011-07-31T07:13:00.000-07:00

What have I done
I wish I could run
Away from this ship going under
Just trying to help
Hurt everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world is
On my shoulders

What can you do when your good isn't good enough
And all that you touch tumbles down
'Cuz my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just want to fix it somehow
But how many times will it take
Oh how many times will it take for me
To get it right
To get it right

Can I start again
With my faith shaken
'Cuz I can't go back and undo this
I just have to stay
And face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser
I'll get through this

What can you do when your good isn't good enough
And all that you touch tumbles down
'Cuz my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just want to fix it somehow
But how many times will it take
But how many times will it take for me
To get it right

So I throw up my fist, throw a punch in the air
And accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair
Yeah I sent out wish
Yeah I sent up a prayer
Then finally someone will see how much I care

What can you do when your good isn't good enough
And all that you touch tumbles down
Oh my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just want to fix it somehow
But how many times will it take
Oh how many times will it take
To get it right
To get it right

Thank You

2011-07-28T07:27:00.000-07:00

Thank you God

For You have given me eyes

But if it is not too much to ask

Please grant me sight

For me to see the plan

Drawn on the holy terrain

Thank you God

For You have given me a mouth

But if it is not too much to ask

Please grant me wisdom

For me to arrange the words

That could no longer hurt

Thank you God

For You have given me a brain

But if it is not too much to ask

Please grant me hindsight

For me to grasp the knowledge

So powerful and great

Thank you God

For You have given me a heart

But if it is not too much to ask

Please grant me faith

For me to accept the fate

Before it is too late

Thursday

28/07/11

10:23pm

My room

1000:1

2011-07-06T15:34:00.001-07:00

I’ve smelt with my nose

A thousand different roses

None of them smells

Near as sweet as your hair

I’ve held in my hands

A thousand different silks

None of them feels

Near as soft as your touch

I’ve seen with my eyes

A thousand different stars

None of them shines

Near as bright as your smile

I’ve heard with my ears

A thousand different says

None of them means

Near as wise as your silence

Thank you God

For You had given me the best.

7th July 2011

Thursday

12:00 am

My room

Perindu

2011-05-07T08:39:00.000-07:00

Ini kisah seorang perindu

Yang merindui senyuman

Si bidadari itu

Yang merindui hikayat

Si penglipurlara itu

Yang merindui gurindam

Si penyair itu

Yang merindui ajaran

Si guru itu

Yang tiada satu pun

Bisa dimilikinya.

Lalu bersoraklah si pungguk

Akan keberuntungannya

Semalang-malang dia

Bulan tetap menyinar malamnya

Walau segaris cuma

Jumaat

05/08/05

D-261

(untuk kelas puisi)

P/S: SELAMAT HARI IBU

Cast

2011-04-28T22:35:00.000-07:00

Asking for it once more

But when it came knocking on the door

She hid beneath the floor

Shaking to her very core

Sweat drained out of her courage pore

Cringing at everything she saw

Clenching her used-to-be-loose jaw

Who is she kidding anyway?

She’s cast

Has been for years

By not so strangers’ hands

It’s stiff

But it makes her walks straight

And at all time, moves ahead

staring at reality

right into its eye

breathing in epiphany

never wonders why

Friday

29/4/2011

11:37am

My office

Living A Life

2011-04-17T08:39:00.000-07:00

Bapak masuk hospital minggu lepas. Batu karang. 5 hari 4 malam di hospital. Percutian percuma yang ditaja kerajaan. 2 malam yang pertama, sebelum operate, bapak tidur sendirian di hospital. Nak tunggu sampai pukul 11 pun dia tak bagi. “Balik, kau penat kerja”. 2 hari berikutnya, lepas operation, aku ambil cuti, teman bapak. Tidur atas lantai sebelah katil bapak. Tak nak bawak toto. Takut tidur lena sangat. Nanti tak sedar kalau bapak nak muntah. Hari pertama dan kedua lepas operation bapak memang selalu muntah. Minum air masak pun boleh muntah. Kesan ubat bius, kata doktor. Memang malam pertama bapak bangun nak muntah. Dan malam kedua bapak bangun mintak pimpin ke tandas, nak buang air besar. Tak dapat bayangkan kalau aku tak ada nak urutkan belakang dia masa dia muntah, atau pimpin dia ke tandas, di tengah malam begitu.

Memang betullah kita digalakkan melawat orang sakit. Supaya kita ingat mati. Satu hari nanti kita juga berkemungkinan untuk berada di tempat bapak.

Aku perasan macam mana watak kami bertukar. 23-24 tahun dulu. Bapak yang mandikan aku. Gosok aku satu badan dengan tuala kecik, gosok kaki aku dengan berus sabut,bagi hilang daki. Minggu lepas, bapak duduk di katil, aku pulak yang gosokkan badan bapak dengan tuala basah. Baru aku perasan yang badan bapak dah tinggal tulang dan kulit. Kulit pun dah sangat kendur dan berkedut. Tapak kaki bapak dah sangat kematu. Lekuk di antara leher dan bahu bapak dah boleh isi segelas air.

Tapi Tuhan Maha Penyayang, hari yang kelima bapak dah beransur sihat. Tak lagi muntah. Dan lebih sihat lagi bila misi beritahu bapak yang dia dah boleh balik. Terus mintak ditukarkan baju hijau yang lusuh dan berkedut milik hospital dengan kemeja lengan panjang dan seluar slacknya yang bergosok. Bapak memang smart. Pisau cukur pun dibawa ke hospital. Masa hari pertama masuk wad, bersungguh bapak ingatkan abang aku untuk beli cermin kecik, senang nak bercukur katanya.

Hari ni, hari keenam, kami dah di rumah. Ramai pulak saudara-mara datang melawat. Makcik aku yang pernah kena strok juga datang, bertongkat. Suami sepupu aku bercerita tentang anak jirannya yang baru berusia 10 tahun, tapi sudah ada kencing manis. Dan kisah seorang pak cik berusia 82 tahun yang selalu bersembang dengannya di bus stop, yang sepanjang hidupnya pula, tidak pernah sakit. Semua topik berkisar tentang kesihatan dan kesakitan. Muda dan tua. Tiba-tiba, hidup terasa sangat sekejap.

Minggu lepas, minggu final untuk student aku, memang susah nak cancel kelas. Dan minggu lepas juga bapak masuk wad. Minggu lepas aku sepatutnya siapkan proposal, minggu ni nak kena hantar. Dan minggu lepas juga bapak masuk wad.

You could never say you’ve lived a life until you’ve come to a certain phase where you have to choose, and live with it for the rest of your life, without regrets.

And I'm not talking about choosing between Vincci and Nose.

Psychedelic

2011-04-03T08:43:00.000-07:00

I opened the windows

And saw the birds flying

With thousands of granted wishes

Strapped to their wings

Waiting to be dropped off

To the people who dream

I stepped outside

And looked up

The sun was shining

Brightening the part of earth

That has endured darkness 

Since its first birth

I turned around

The flowers were blooming

And in a few seconds

Showering the earth with their colourful petals 

I could feel them moved me underneath

Forward and fast

So I opened my arms wide

Gliding the air

As it streamed by

When it’s time for the sun to merge

With the thin horizon at the farthest verge

I’ll lie on the grass

Staring into the orange and red smudge

Before me on the biggest canvas

Waiting for the black night sky

To finally open up 

And say ‘hi’,

So I could smile and stay there 

For eternity

Sunday

3 April 2011

10:47pm

My room

I don’t have any idea why I wrote this. I was listening to ‘Life Is Beautiful’ by Vega4, one of the soundtracks from the movie ‘Street Dance’.

Then those words just lined up and entered my mind. I wasn’t even listening to the lyrics, but the melody and the voice were soul touching. Listen to the song while reading it. It works best that way, for me. When I listened to it, I did feel like I saw birds flying, sun shining, and flowers blooming.

Am I going delusional? What can I do, proposal writing can be psychedelic.

Tuesdays With Morrie_memorable quotes

2011-04-02T02:21:00.001-07:00

I have finished reading Tuesdays With Morrie, a story about an old dying professor who suffered from amyothropic lateral sclerosis (ALS). During his final months, he had a chance to give his final fourteen lectures to one of his former students. The lectures were on topics that we never seem to care about when we are healthily alive, yet they become so crucial when we’re approaching death, or rather when death is approaching us. Here I quote some of his ‘lectures’. There are some parts that I couldn’t agree with, like when he said he wanted to die serenely and the writer concluded that he did die serenely. We (Muslims) believe that ‘sakaratul maut’ is above painful, even for Muhammad SAW.

But here are some things that he said that we could actually relate to, and I dare say, are true.

Money

“We’ve got a form of brainwashing going on in our country. They repeat something over and over. Owning things is good. More money is good. More property is good. More commercialism is good. More is good. More is good. We repeat it- and have it repeated to us- over and over until nobody bothers to even think otherwise. The average person is so fogged up by all this, he has no perspective on what’s really important anymore.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“Wherever I went in my life, I met people wanting to gobble up something new. Gobble up a new car. Gobble up a new piece of property. Gobble up the latest toy. And then they wanted to tell you about it. ‘Guess what I got? Guess what I got?’”

You know how I always interpreted that? These were people so hungry for love that they were accepting substitutes. They were embracing material things and expecting a sort of a hug back. But it never works. You can’t substitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense of comradeship.

Money is not a substitute for tenderness, and power is not a substitute for tenderness. I can tell you, as I’m sitting here dying, when you most need it, neither money nor power will give you the feeling you’re looking for, no matter how much of them you have.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“Mitch, if you’re trying to show off for people at the top, forget it. They will look down at you anyhow. And if you’re trying to show off for people at the bottom, forget it. They will only envy you. Status will get you nowhere. Only an open heart will allow you to float equally between everyone.”

Culture

I saw the paleness of his skin, the stray white hairs, the way his arms hung limp and helpless. I thought about how much time we spend trying to shape our bodies, lifting weights, crunching sit-ups, and in the end, nature takes it away from us anyhow.~Mitch

……………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“People are only mean when they’re threatened, and that’s what our culture does. That’s what our economy does. Even people who have jobs in our economy are threatened. Because they worry about losing them. And when you get threatened, you start looking out only for yourself. You start making money a god. It is all part of this culture.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“Here’s what I mean by building your own little subculture. I don’t mean you disregard every rule of your community. I don’t go around naked, for example. I don’t run through red lights. The little things, I can obey. But the big things- how we think, what we value- those you must choose yourself. You can’t let anyone – or any society- determine those for you.

Take my condition. The things I’m supposed to be embarrassed about now- not being able to walk, not being able to wipe my ass, waking up some morning wanting to cry- there is nothing innately embarrassing or shaming about them.

It’s the same for women not being thin enough, or men not being rich enough. It’s just what our culture would have you believe. Don’t believe it.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. And you have to be strong enough to say, ‘if the culture doesn’t work, don’t buy it.’”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

“Every society has its own problem. The way to do it, I think, isn’t to run away. You have to work at creating your own culture.

Look, no matter where you live, the biggest defect we human being have is our shortsightedness. We don’t see what we could be. We should be looking at our potential, stretching ourselves into everything we can become. But if you are surrounded by people who say ‘I want mine now,’ you end up with a few people with everything and a military to keep the poor ones from rising up and stealing it.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“The problem Mitch, is that we don’t believe we are as much alike as we are. Whites and blacks, Catholics and Protestants, men and women. If we saw each other as more alike, we might be very eager to join in one big human family in this world, and to care about that family the way we care about our own. But believe me, when you’re dying, you see it is true. We all have the same beginning- birth- and we all have the same end- death. So how different can we be?”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“In the beginning of life, when we are infants, we need others to survive, right? And at the end of life, when you get like me, you need others to survive, right?” His voice dropped to a whisper. “But here’s the secret: in between, we need others as well”

Currently reading...

2011-03-30T05:39:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I read a novel. I used to be an addict, before I know DVDs, UMPSharing and Syok. So this is what I'm reading now, Tuesdays with Morrie, which is quite ancient actually. I just happened to know about it recently. I've been writing reviews on movies and tv series all this while. Trying to do one on a book now, and more to come, hopefully.

*P/S: Tak seronok rupanya jadi orang yang kurang ilmu.

A story of a cover of a story

2011-03-26T18:16:00.000-07:00

The story sounds lonely

With just one character

One unbearable long plot

And a song not jolly

You wish you could erase it

But dumb you to write it in ink

With only a blank page left

Now you wonder if it is worth an end

But a story ended

is a story bought

You got to put it somewhere

That tiny black dot

Tell you what

End it now, then tear the last blank page

And put it on top with one bright eye-popping image

After all, what they’ll be worshiping forever

is always gonna be that damn good cover.

Saturday

26/3/11

10:49pm

My room

Mereka2 Lagi

2011-03-25T11:28:00.000-07:00

Read the whole article first, then the phrases in bold.

KUALA LUMPUR - Polis sedang menunggu pemeriksaan pakar bagi mengesahkan lelaki yang melakukan adegan seks dengan seorang pelacur wanita yang didakwa dirakamkan di sebuah apartmen di Ampang dekat sini pada 21 Februari lalu merupakan seorang pemimpin pembangkang.

Sumber polis berkata, daripada aspek undang-undang, polis buat masa ini hanya membuat andaian bahawa lelaki itu merupakan seorang pemimpin pembangkang seperti yang didakwa oleh kumpulan trio Datuk T.

Bagaimanapun, kata sumber itu, perkara itu hanya andaian semata-mata kerana pengesahan siapa sebenarnya pelakon dalam video seks itu memerlukan penyiasatan dan pengesahan daripada pakar.

"Sehingga semalam polis belum mengetahui sama ada imej (aktor) dalam video tersebut sudah diganggu (direka-reka).

"Polis juga tidak boleh sahkan pelakon tersebut adalah si A atau si B. Kita perlu tunggu pakar (untuk pengesahan)," kata sumber itu kepada Kosmo! semalam.

Sehubungan itu, sumber itu berkata, pasukan penyiasat kini dalam pertimbangan untuk meminta khidmat pengarah filem Merong Mahawangsa, Yusry Abdul Halim (Yusri KRU) bagi membantu polis mengesahkan ketulenan rakaman video seks itu terlebih dahulu.

"Rakaman itu sendiri perlu disahkan adalah tulen sebelum polis melakukan langkah kedua untuk mengesahkan pelakon yang dimaksudkan itu," kata sumber itu.

Bagaimanapun, sehingga malam tadi pasukan polis belum memutuskan perkara itu dan ada kemungkinan pakar-pakar lain yang berkemahiran dalam rakaman video turut dipanggil memberi bantuan.

http://www.kosmo.com.my/kosmo/content.asp?y=2011&dt=0326&pub=Kosmo&sec=Negara&pg=ne_01.htm

To those who can't see...there, I highlighted them for you.

To those who learnt epistemic modality, or discourse analysis or anyone who knows some basic rules about adultery charges in Islam, they'll understand why this article is such a complete waste of trees.

I wrote an entry somewhere around 2 and a half years ago entitled Mereka2 (click). I wonder what was it all about. It has been quite some time since. Probably some ancient issues that have nothing to do with what's going on right now. I mean, one of us has literally traveled into space, right?

Yeah, right.

Owh, one more thing....YUSRY? Seriously?

Today I Saw You...Again.

2011-03-22T08:16:00.000-07:00

25 June 2009- I Saw You (click)

14 July 2010 - Why Did You? (click)

22 March 2011- Today I Saw You...Again.

Today I saw you...again.
The sky,
the leaves,
the river,
the wind
and my favourite tiny little star
are all looking at me, with lifted eyebrows,
waiting for my cue,
"Well, you know what guys?
You can all go for a vacation...
until I found another one."

Bila Lagi?

2011-03-18T03:31:00.000-07:00

Bila musim cuti sekolah tiba, mesti ada kenduri kendara. Bila ada kenduri kendara, mesti jumpa saudara mara. Bila jumpa saudara mara, mesti banyak soalan yang nak ditanya. Soalan untuk aku, "BILA LAGI?" sudah semestinya.

Aku tak kisah orang nak tanya soalan ni. Tapi biarlah kena dengan konteks. Kalau di kenduri kahwin, orang bertanya ," Awak bila lagi?", kenalah konteksnya, fahamlah maksudnya. Walaupun terasa nak tuang jer air sirap atas kepala.

Tapi yang semalam tu kenduri tahlil. Bila di kenduri tahlil orang tanya, "Awak bila lagi?", mau tak terkedu aku.

Owh..lupa pulak, semalam adalah kenduri tahlil sekali dengan kenduri doa selamat untuk sepupu aku yang nak pergi mengerjakan umrah. Mungkin yang dia maksudkan adalah ,"Awak bila lagi nak pergi umrah?".

Menjulang Cinta di Puncak Ledang

2011-02-06T08:41:00.000-08:00

Gusti Putri Retno Dumilah

Betapa malang hatimu
Terpandangkan Tuah
Sungguh ekor matanya
Mencuri lenggok tubuhmu
Dalam alunan gamelan
Kakinya masih tertambat
Di tangga istana
Yang paling bawah

Saat dipajak ke Pengiran Demak
Sebelum diseret ke istana Melaka
Mulus tanganmu tetap
Sarat menjulang cinta
Memuja namanya
Sedang perkasanya merebah
Menyembah
Bertasbihkan Sultan Mahmud
Waima hatinya padamu tersujud

Bahana cinta agung
Tak tertanggung
Dia akhirnya membuka
Taat yang memasung
Mengejarmu
Mengejar saat kau sudah
Berhenti berlari
Berhenti bernadi
Di puncak Ledang

2005 (Untuk kelas puisi)

P/S: Semalam TV2 tayang PGL. Tengok ke?

Ambilkan Dia

2011-01-24T07:34:00.000-08:00

Wahai gadis
Terhincut mengepit peha
Berselubung menutup muka
Nanti dulu!!!

Dengarkan aku
Aku ini kotor
Teramat kotor
Aku telan lebihan isi ususmu
Aku hirup lebihan isi liangmu
Aku sedut lebihan isi tekakmu
Namun sampai hari reputku nanti sekalipun
Aku ulangi
Aku tak akan mampu untuk terima ISI RAHIMMU!!

Wahai gadis
Terhincut mengepit peha
Berselubung menutup muka
Tolonglah ambilkan dia
Tolonglah!
Bukan aku tempat adunya
Aku tak punya sutera buaimu
Aku tak punya merdu dodoimu
Aku tak punya manis susumu
Aku tak punya halus belaimu
Aku tak pernah ada kuat semangatmu
Aku cuma punya kotor dan sisa
Busuk dan tengik
Lendir-lendir yang melekit
Sedang dia sang suci yang baru bermula
Tawanya membahagia dunia
Harumya membunga syurga

Wahai gadis
Terhincut mengepit peha
Berselubung menutup muka
Tolonglah ambilkan dia
Tolonglah!
Sebelum pendamping-pendampingku nanti
Menarik keluar matanya
Menyiat memedih kulitnya
Mencarik mengunyah dagingnya
Menjilat tetesan-tetesan darahnya

Aku ini kotor dan hina
Dan kau pula sebaik-baik kejadian dicipta
Kalau jerit tangisnya mampu membakar jiwa aku
Bagaimana kau bisa buta, tuli dan berlalu?

Wahai gadis
Terhincut mengepit peha
Berselubung menutup muka
Yang pertama dahulu, kau naif terlalu muda
Yang kedua, mungkin insaf kau seketika alpa
Tapi kali ketiga
Sudah tidak sepatutnya ada
Melainkan kau dan lelaki-lelakimu itu
Sudah mampu mengatasi kepantasan dosa-dosa silam
Yang berjanji mengheretmu dan menyembam
Dalam igauan setiap malam
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Tolonglah
Ambilkan dia.

Isnin
24 Jan 2011
11:26pm
Bilik aku

Sempena pelancaran ‘Kempen Kami Prihatin’ Di UMP. Semoga kes buang bayi tak lagi menjadi berita picisan di akhbar. Jangan mudahkan kerja wartawan. Hanya perlu ubah tarikh dan lokasi, isi beritanya gunapakai sahaja yang lama dan basi.

P/S: Seronok tengok orang berpuisi. Tak dapat (tak berani (tak layak (tak mungkin) ) ) naik pentas, dalam ni pun jadilah..('_')

Setengah Yang Kosong

2011-01-15T07:46:00.000-08:00

Setengah muka
125 patah kata
Yang tiada satu pun aku erti maknanya

Setengah hayat
Dua kaki melata
Dan tiada satu pun aku erti arahnya

Maka apa layaknya
Untuk aku erti
Setinggi qalamNya
Seluas alamNya

Sabtu
15/1/2011
11:41 pm
Bilik aku

Gitar Tanpa Tali

2011-01-12T06:50:00.000-08:00

Gitar jati
Tanpa tali
Tak ada bunyi
Aku tetap nyanyi

Kata-kata hati
Tak perlu melodi
yang perlu menjadi

Biar sepi
Aku tetap nyanyi
Bunuh pun sekali
Sepi pasti hidup kembali
Dan aku pasti masih nyanyi

Bak tubuh tak berkaki
Tetap lari
Bak jasad tak bernadi
Tetap tak mati

Gitar jati
Tak perlu tali
Tak perlu bunyi
Bukan nak lambung diri
Bukan nak hempas realiti
Tapi bila hati yang berperi
Lidah pasti menari.

Tak perlu tali
Tak perlu bunyi
Cukup gitar jati
Buat perisai mimpi.

Rabu
12/01/11
10:51pm
Bilik aku

Am I a Jack Dawson?

2011-01-08T07:05:00.000-08:00

2011 is here...what’s my aim for this year?

In netball, only the GS or the GA of the team could score. And they could take their own sweet time aiming for the net while everyone else watches and the GD and the GK of the opponent’s team guard them, practically from...emm... 3000 miles away.

But in basketball, every player in the team can score and you’ll never know who it’s going to be. The captain might jump towards the net with the ball in his hand and the opponents’ hands trying to grab his ball and/or balls.

So, clearly, he seems to be aiming at the net. But who knows that the corner of his eyes might actually be aiming for a teammate on his left who’s probably not guarded and end up passing the ball to him, who, would then score in no time. The beauty of scoring lies in the fact that nobody is aware of what you’re aiming for. The ultimate aim would be the net, as it’s the only thing that could enable you to increase the score. But that doesn’t mean the captain failed for not scoring, because, in the first place, he was not aiming for the net, but his unguarded teammate. So, technically, he succeeded in achieving his goal even though it wasn’t what everyone expected.

It’s either I love basketball too much or I really have no idea what I’m aiming for this year.

I wish I could be as spontaneous as Jack Dawson:

"Well, yes, ma'am, I do... I mean, I got everything I need right here with me. I got air in my lungs, a few blank sheets of paper. I mean, I love waking up in the morning not knowing what's gonna happen or, who I'm gonna meet, where I'm gonna wind up. Just the other night I was sleeping under a bridge and now here I am on the grandest ship in the world having champagne with you fine people. I figure life's a gift and I don't intend on wasting it. You don't know what hand you're gonna get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at you... to make each day count."

"I love waking up in the morning not knowing what's gonna happen". And yes....the very next day he ended up frozen in the Atlantic Ocean.

Actually I do have some plans, so that I won't be frozen for nothing. But as I said before, “The beauty of scoring lies in the fact that nobody is aware of what you’re aiming for.”

So let’s not jinx it. Instead, let’s hope for everyone to have a blast of a year!

"Saya gay, SAYA ok?"

2010-12-26T06:49:00.000-08:00

Aku terjumpa video pengakuan Azwan Ismail (engineer/poet/writer/editor Orang Macam Kita) yang bertajuk 'It Gets Better in Malaysia: Azwan Ismail "Saya Gay, Saya OK"'

Dengan penuh kesabaran, aku transcribe ucapannya di sini. Silakan baca. Kalau nak tengok videomya, silalah ke sini.

“Sasterawan negara Shahnon Ahmad ada menulis dalam salah satu novelnya, lebih kurang begini, “Kenali diri, kenali segala”. Ia seolah-olah memberitahu kita jika kita mengenali diri kita, mengenali tubuh kita, mengenali perasaan kita, mengenali pemikiran kita, kitalah yang berhak memberitahu kepada orang lain, siapa yang kita ingin jadi dan bukannya mereka. Saya Azwan Ismail. Umur saya 32 tahun. Saya telah mengambil masa yang agak lama untuk mengenali diri saya, untuk meyakini diri saya bahawa saya seorang gay. Dan apabila saya berani mengatakan saya seorang gay kepada orang lain setelah 30 tahun itu, saya telah menjadi seorang yang kuat dan yakin dengan apa yang bakal saya lalui pada masa depan. Memang tidak dinafikan agak sukar untuk menjadi seorang gay di Malaysia terutamanya jika kita seorang yang Melayu kerana faktor agama dan budaya banyak mencorakkan kehidupan kita dan memberitahu kita apa yang kita boleh jadi dan apa yang kita tak boleh jadi. Tapi kita kena ingat bahawa apa yang diberitahu orang lain, apa yang diberitahu oleh guru-guru kita, ustaz-ustaz kita, kawan-kawan kita, kebanyakannya adalah dari pandangan seorang heteroseksual. Mereka tidak merasai dan memahami menjadi seorang yang gay. Kita lebih mengetahui diri kita dan kita perlu mengambil masa dan terus mencubauntuk memberitahu orang-orang sebegitu. Saya yakin keadaan akan menjadi lebih baik. Kita cuma perlu mencari sumber-sumber kekuatan di sekeliling kita kerana terdapat mereka yang dapat membantu kita dan akhirnya dapat memberikan keyakinan kepada kita untuk menempuhi hari-hari yang akan datang sebagai seorang gay yang lebih tabah. Saya harap anda akan akhirnya dan menemui sumber kekuatan itu dan berpegang kepadanya dan akhirnya yakin untuk memberitahu kepada orang lain, “Saya gay, saya ok,””.

Kalau dengar daripada intonasi dan kelembutan percakapannya, memang tak mustahil akan ada orang-orang yang akan mula percaya dan yakin bahawa gay itu okay, gay itu hak individu dan kebebasan mengumumkan seksualiti songsang itu adalah sebahagian dari kebebasan bersuara.

Tapi kalau kita mengaku dengan hati dan lidah bahawa kita beriman dengan Allah, dengan mudah kita akan nampak betapa ‘cacatnya’ kenyataan dia. Ada satu entiti penting yang dia tertinggal. Dia sebut tentang Shahnon Ahmad, Malaysia, agama, budaya, guru, ustaz dan kawan untuk menyokong hujahnya tentang kebebasan seksualiti. Tapi ada satu lagi yang dia tak/terlupa/takut nak sebut. Atau mungkin juga dia tidak percaya dengan entiti tersebut. Mungkin mengikut kepercayaan dia, diri , tubuh, perasaan, dan pemikiran dia, yang dia kata dia kenal sangat2 tu, sebenarnya dicipta oleh DIRI DIA sendiri.

En. Azwan, kalau betul anda sangat kenal diri anda, cuba beritahu berapa jumlah bulu roma yang ada pada badan anda? Betapalah BONGKAKnya manusia. Bukan dia sahaja, malah kita pun kadang2 bongkak, tak sedar diri. Baru dapat hela nafas 2 kali, dah berani claim yang badan kita tu, kita yang punya, hak kita, maka suka hati kitalah nak pakai macam mana pun.

Satu perumpamaan yang mudah. Kononlah kita ni orang pertama yang cipta seterika. Tiada seorang pun manusia lain yang mempunyai bahan2 dan tahu macam mana cara membuat seterika. Lalu satu hari, datanglah seorang manusia, nak pinjam seterika kita. Kita pun terangkanlah cara2 penggunaan, apa yang boleh dibuat dan apa yang tak boleh dibuat, dengan panjang lebarnya kepada manusia tersebut. Tak cukup dengan penerangan lisan, kita takut dia lupa, kita bagi pulak manual supaya dia boleh sentiasa rujuk. Tapi akhirnya, selepas 2 hari, lepas dia pandai guna seterika tu, dia buang manual tu, dan guna seterika tu untuk kepentingan sendiri. Tiba-tiba, disebabkan dia malas nak beli kuali, dan dengan pengetahuan asas yang seterika tu panas, dia pun gunalah seterika tu untuk goreng telur. Bila ada seorang lagi kawan dia yang memang dah hafal dan faham isi kandungan manual tu menegur dan cuba mengingatkan akibat buruk yang bakal dia hadapi nanti, dia cuma kata, “Kau tak faham, kau tak pernah pakai seterika ni, aku pernah pakai, maka aku lebih tahu. Benda ni panas, bolehla pakai untuk goreng telur”.

Memang telur boleh masak, tapi dengan permukaan yang dah melekat tahi minyak segala, boleh ke kita guna balik seterika tu untuk tujuan asalnya? Habisla rosak seterika kita. Seterika yang kita cipta dengan teliti dan dengan penuh kasih sayang. Dahlah kita bagi pinjam, dia boleh pulak mengaku itu hak dia? Lagi pulak, arahan dan larangan kita dia tak nak ikut, pastu dengan pengetahuan yang cetek tu, dia boleh kata dia lebih tahu macam mana seterika tu berfungsi, padahalnya kita penciptanya, from scratch.

Kata-kata En. Azwan tu ada benarnya. Jika dibandingkan dengan ORANG LAIN, memang kitalah yang lebih mengetahui diri kita, apa yang kita rasa dan apa yang kita fikir. Tapi jangan lupa, dalam dunia ni, bukan hanya ada KITA dan ORANG LAIN. Makanya, jika bandingkan dengan diri kita, ALLAH itu yang sebenarnya lebih mengetahui setiap inci jasad dan roh kita. Seperti analogi di atas, sebagaimana kita sebagai pencipta seterika tadi, kita tahu apa yang boleh dan tak boleh dilakukan dengan seterika yang kita cipta, seperti itulah Allah, sebagai pencipta kita,
mengetahui apa yang boleh dan tak boleh kita lakukan dengan fizikal, mental dan rohani kita. Sebagaimana kita bekalkan manual kepada peminjam tadi, seperti itulah Allah bekalkan Al-Quran kepada kita, supaya kita sentiasa boleh rujuk ketika terlupa.

“Kenali diri, kenali segala.” Mula-mula, aku pelik juga kenapa ungkapan ini yang En. Azwan ni pilih untuk menyokong hujahnya. Tapi bila difikir balik, mungkin En. Azwan ni sedang berada dalam DENIAL state. Dia tidak mahu mengaku bahawa pendapatnya dan cara hidupnya salah. Maka, dia pilih ungkapan yang sangat general, yang boleh diinterpretasikan dalam pelbagai perspektif. Dan dalam kes dia, perspektif itu menjurus kepada apa yang dia cuba perjuangkan selama 32 tahun iaitu hak manusia terhadap tubuh badan dan cara hidupnya. Dia tahu, kalau dia nak guna ayat Al-Quran, dia memang tak akan jumpa pun ayat yang menyokong hujahnya. So, in a way, dia tahu Islam itu benar dan dia sebenarnya ada menyimpan rasa bersalah. Malah, masa dia menuturkan ayat ni: “Memang tidak dinafikan agak sukar untuk menjadi seorang gay di Malaysia terutamanya jika kita seorang yang Melayu kerana faktor agama dan budaya…”, dia kelihatan seperti sedang berfikir dan teragak-agak. Semoga masih ada ruang dalam hati dia untuk berubah.

“Kenali diri, kenali segala.” Aku tak pernah baca novel Shahnon Ahmad, maka aku tak tahulah ungkapan ini digunakan dalam konteks apa dan apa interpretasi sebenarnya. Tapi, mengikut interpretasi aku, kalau kita telek dan kenal DIRI, tak perlulah kaji sejauh pemikiran dan sedalam perasaan, tengok cap jari pun dah cukup untuk kita sedar betapa maha berkuasanya Pencipta kita. Dan Allah dan kuasaNya jugalah yang mencipta SEGALA kejadian lain di muka bumi,. Maka betullah bila kita KENAL DIRI, kita kenal pencipta kita, kita akan KENAL SEGALA. Dan, bila kita kenal segala, kita sepatutnya akan tahu bahawa segala-galanya hak Allah. Tak ada satu pun hak kita. Walaupun sekecil-kecil liang roma pada tubuh kita. Sebab tu bila Dia kata 'tak boleh', bukan Dia nak menyekat kebebasan kita, cuma Dia sangat2 tahu yang benda tu nanti akan merosakkan. Kenapa nak sedih dengan dengan satu benda yang Dia tak bagi buat, sedangkan ada berjuta lagi benda yang Dia benarkan kita buat?

Jadi, janganlah sekali-kali kita bongkak dengan mengatakan, “Kita lebih mengetahui diri kita.”

En. Azwan, nobody really cares who you want to be. And I bet nobody actually has time to give you a lecture on 'What You Should Be'. Believe it or not, that idea of yours about people around you despising you comes straight out from your guilty guts. Seriously, nobody cares, as long as we don't know about it. Whatever you want to do is between you and God. But it becomes really annoying when you make it public thus adding more disgrace to Islam. It seems like you intentionally want to make people, especially Muslims, despise you. So that you could say that we are not supportive and later on labeled as the bad community. Seriously, work on your guilt, while you still have it. By the way, it's not that we don't want to support you, we just don't want to be eaten by earth, alive, because we believe in God's words.

Maher Zain

2010-12-13T07:51:00.000-08:00

When I first listened to the song ‘Open Your Eyes’ by Maher Zain, I was so attracted to the lyrics. He managed to convey what Islam really is in the simplest way using some vivid metaphors. In these songs, he explained WHY it is not impossible for people from different races to live together in the same world and WHY we should have undivided faith in Allah. And he did it just by relating them back to the nature. The things we’ve lived in, lived on and lived under for years.

Hold My Hand
Now we share the same bright sun,
The same round moon
Why don’t we share the same love
Tell me why not
Life is shorter than most have thought

Hold my hand
There are many ways to do it right

Open Your Eyes
Look around yourselves
Can’t you see this wonder
Spreaded infront of you
The clouds floating by
The skies are clear and blue
Planets in the orbits
The moon and the sun
Such perfect harmony

Let’s start question in ourselves
Isn’t this proof enough for us
Or are we so blind
To push it all aside..

Look inside yourselves
Such a perfect order
Hiding in yourselves
Running in your veins
What about anger love and pain
And all the things you’re feeling
Can you touch them with your hand?
So are they really there?

Subhan Allah
As I traveled through the earth
I can’t help but notice
The symphony I hear all around
from the smallest grain of sand
to the faraway planets
to a flower put in roots in the ground
Every bird in the sky
Every rock and every raindrop
Says as it falls from the clouds
every ant, every plant
every breeze and all the seas
They all sing

And in these next songs, he tells us that Islam is very simple and it’ll never be hard on us. As long as we follow Allah’s guidance and Rasulullah’s way of life, nothing can harm us even the harm itself. Islam is so pure and sacred because of the faith we have in it. Maybe someone can cut our legs thus take away our freedom to walk, or, sew our mouths and take away our freedom to talk. But with the strong faith we have in our hearts, nobody could take away the ultimate freedom of all, from our soul.

Always Be There
Shouldn’t never feel afraid of anything
As long as we follow HIS guidance all the way
Through the short time we have in this life
Soon it all’ll be over
And we’ll be in His heaven and we’ll all be fine

The Chosen One

I will try to follow your (Rasulullah) way
And do my best to live my life
As you taught me

Palestine Will Be Free
I will caress with my bare hands
Every precious grain of sand
Every stone and every tree
‘Cause no matter what they do
They can never hurt you
Coz your soul will always be free

And this next song, 'Awaken', NOBODY would listen to this song and say ‘This song is not about me.” Maher Zain totally read our minds, didn’t he?

Awaken
We were given so many prizes
We changed the desert into oasis
We built buildings of different lengths and sizes
And we felt so very satisfied
We bought and bought
We couldn’t stop buying
We gave charity to the poor ’cause
We couldn’t stand their crying
We thought we paid our dues
But in fact
To ourselves we’re just lying
Oh

I’m walking with my head lowered in shame from my place
I’m walking with my head lowered from my race
Yes it’s easy to blame everything on the west
When in fact all focus should be on ourselves

We were told what to buy and we’d bought
We went to London, Paris and
We made show we were seen in the most exclusive shops
Yes we felt so very satisfied

We felt our money gave us infinite power
We forgot to teach our children about history and honor
We didn’t have any time to lose
When we were..
So busy feeling so satisfied

I’m walking with my head lowered in shame from my place
I’m walking with my head lowered from my race
Yes it’s easy to blame everything on the west
When in fact all focus should be on ourselves

We became the visuals without a soul
despite the heat
Our homes felt so empty and cold
To fill the emptiness
We bought and bought
Maybe all the fancy cars
And bling will make us feel satisfied

My dear brother and sister
It’s time to change inside
Open your eyes
Don’t throw away what’s right aside
Before the day comes
When there’s nowhere to run and hide
Now ask yourself ’cause Allah’s watching you

Is He satisfied?
Is Allah satisfied?
Is Allah satisfied?
Is Allah satisfied?

A Visit I Need

2010-12-09T05:52:00.000-08:00

My nights have become rather quiet these few months. I know what the reason is. I defer my studies this semester, which means:

no class + no assignment + no travelling + no excessive article reading = no hectic wave traffic in the brain= no stress = no new ideas = BORED.

Now I know how much YIN needs YANG.

And now I know, to live (worthily), we have to see life. During my first semester in UM, I travelled every week by bus (Ktn-KL) and train (in KL) for almost 4 months. I’ve seen and experienced a few incidents. Those incidents made me think about life and fate. I also snapped some pictures and kept it in a folder that I named ‘My Stupid Journey to Wisdom’. I know, I just love irony. I did record some of the incidents here in my blog. Having lots of things to juggle and less time to struggle had made me so inspired.

But these few months, I can’t even write a poem. I miss those days, back in 2002, when I was in my first semester in UPM (why did all my inspiring moments start in first semesters?). At that time, I could write 3-4 poems a night. Suddenly I could speak Moon and Stars, Beauty and Scars. Even though I was doing architecture at that time and had lots of projects to complete and less time to sleep, I was still so inspired.

I thought I need serenity. That’s why I defer my studies this semester. But serenity makes me blind, deaf and numb. I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but, Mr. Problem and Ms. Stress, please, do visit me sometimes.

IRONI

2010-11-06T04:41:00.000-07:00

Watak:
Dina
Hafez
Pengutip tin

Lokasi:
Bus stop

Kamera hanya fokus pada Hafez dan Dina dari belakang, dari kepala hingga pinggang sahaja.

Hafez: Hai. (menghulur seplastik goreng pisang kepada Dina)

Dina: (Berpaling ke arah Hafez dan senyum tapi langsung tak nampak plastik goreng pisang)

Hafez: (Masih menghulur) Nak?

Dina: (berpaling semula) Nak? Apa?

Hafez: (Hairan) Goreng pisang ni?

Dina: Owh…patutlah sedap je baunya. (kembali berpaling ke depan)

Hafez: Tak nak ke?

Dina: Owh…takpe…takpe. Terima kasih.

Hafez: Saya Hafez (mengulur tangan untuk bersalam)

Dina: Saya Dina (berpaling ke arah Hafez dan senyum tapi tidak menyambut salam Hafez)

Hafez: (Menggerakkan tangannya berkali-kali di depan Dina) Awak tak nampak ke?

Dina: (Berpaling dan senyum) Saya buta.

Hafez: Ha?

Dina: Saya buta.

Hafez: Haaa??

Dina: Saya buta. Awak pulak, pekak ke?

Hafez: Ha? Eh, tak..tak...saya tak pekak.

Dina: Owh…kalau macam tu, mesti awak dengar apa saya cakap tadi.

Hafez: Ya, saya dengar.Tapi…betul ke? Maksud saya…wow…

Dina: Wow?

Hafez: Tak…cuma…macam tak adil pulak rasanya.

Dina: Kenapa?

Hafez: Tak…maksud saya…untuk sesorang yang matanya tak dapat melihat segala kecantikan dunia, awak memberi mata dunia sesuatu yang sangat cantik untuk dilihat.

Dina: (gelak kecil) Apa?

Hafez: Mata awak.

Dina: (Gelak semakin kuat) Fuh! Itu adalah ‘pick up line’ yang paling ‘power’ yang saya pernah dengar setakat ni.

Hafez: Eh, tak…saya betul-betul maksudkan apa yang saya cakap tadi.

Dina: (Senyum) Terima kasih.

Hafez: Tapi, kenapa awak tak nampak? Mata awak nampak ok je.

Dina: Sesuatu yang cantik itu tak semestinya berguna.

Hafez: Ha?

Dina: Ha? Tak…mata saya memang ok. Kanta, kornea, retina semua tak ada masalah. Macam mata awak juga.

Hafez: Habis tu?

Dina: Kalau mata ok, tapi sengaja ditutup pun tak guna juga.

Hafez: Ha??

Dina: Ha? Tak…sebenarnya, otak saya yang tak ok.

Hafez: Ha??!!

Dina: Hafez, awak pasti ke yang awak ni tak pekak?

Hafez: (bukak mulut untuk sebut “Ha?” lagi sekali tapi terhenti) (Gelak) Tak…saya pasti saya tak pekak. Cuma…saya tak faham. Otak awak yang tak ok?

Dina: Yup. Memang dalam kebanyakan kes, orang buta sebab matanya rosak. Tapi sebenarnya, bukan mata yang melihat, otak. Salah satu bahagian otak kat belakang ni (memegang belakang kepalanya) yang saya pun tak ingat apa namanya. Mata hanya terima maklumat dalam bentuk cahaya, dan otak yang akan terjemahkan apa yang mata nampak. Jadi, kalau bahagian otak itu rosak dan tak boleh proses apa yang kita nampak, biar sesihat atau secantik manapun mata saya ni, saya tetap buta.

Hafez: Jadi, otak awak yang….?

Dina: Ya. Dulu saya pernah kemalangan. Saya tercampak keluar dari kereta dan kepala saya terhantuk atas batu besar kat tepi jalan. So…

Hafez: Owh…erm..saya mintak maaf.

Dina: Tak apa.

Hafez: Sayangnya. Mata awak memang cantik.

Dina: (Senyum sambil mengangguk berkali-kali) Huh, ironik kan?

Hafez: Apa?

Dina: Ironik. Seseorang yang matanya cantik tapi buta. Seperti Beethoven, komposer yang dah mencipta banyak lagu-lagu yang indah untuk didengar tapi kemudiannya dia sendiri hilang pendengaran. Steve Irwin, ‘the famous Crocodile Hunter’, sangat berpengalaman dalam dunia haiwan, tapi akhirnya, dia sendiri mati ditikam ikan pari. Ariel Sharon. Kenal?

Hafez: Yup.

Dina: Seorang yang dulunya penuh kuasa dalam genggaman. Tapi sekarang? Vegetable.Nak genggam tangan sendiri pun tak mampu.

Seorang lelaki dengan plastik sampah besar berisi tin2 kosong sedang melintas di depan bustop sambil mengutip tin2 kosong di situ

Dina: Tak payah tengok yang jauh-jauh. Kat depan kita ni ada seorang lelaki tengah pegang plastik yang penuh dengan tin-tin kosong kan?

Hafez: Yup. Mana awak tau?

Dina: (Menunjuk telinganya).

Hafez: Owh…

Dina: Saya pengunjung tetap bus stop ni. Dan dia pengutip tin tetap kat sini. Kenal tak siapa dia?

Hafez: Tak. Comot sangat mukanya. Siapa?

Dina: Itu Sulaiman Haji Hassan. Awak pernah dengar minuman tin jenama ‘Iman’?

Hafez: Yup. Minuman tin keluaran Malaysia. Pengasasnya orang Melayu. Tapi rasanya dah tak ada dah sekarang minuman tu.

Dina: ‘Exactly’. Itulah dia pengasasnya (Menunjuk ke arah pengutip tin).

Hafez: Ha? Itu dia?

Dina: Yup. Tapi sayang. Dia tersilap langkah, bisnes lingkup. Daripada pengasas minuman tin, akhirnya, awak tengok sendirilah.

Hafez: (Diam seketika) Kenapa awak boleh terfikir pasal semua ni? Maksud saya benda alah ‘ironi’ ni?

Dina: Benda alah ‘ironi’ ni ada kat sekeliling kita. Tak boleh lari. Memang susah nak nampak ironi kecuali orang2 yang betul2 berfikir. Ironi tu kadang-kadang kelakar. Contohnya, awak pernah tak tengok kat kawasan2 perumahan, kadang2 ada satu tempat tu tiba2 je berlonggok sampah kat situ?

Hafez: Pernah.

Dina: Ha..cuba tengok betul2, selalunya tempat2 macam tu akan ada satu papan tanda yang hampir2 nak tercabut yang tertulis, “JANGAN BUANG SAMPAH DI SINI”. Kan?

Hafez: (Gelak) Yup.

Dina: Itu ironi yang kelakar. Untuk buat kita gelak. Gelakkan kebodohan kita sendiri. Kadang-kadang pulak ironi itu menyakitkan. Untuk buat kita sedar betapa angkuh dan sombongnya kita. Dan selalunya ironi jugalah yang kita perlukan untuk sedar dari mimpi dan kembali ke dunia realiti. Untuk kita sedar yang segala-galanya yang kita ada hari ini hanyalah pinjaman.

Hafez dan Dina: (Diam seketika)

Hafez: Pinjaman…macam...

Dina: Ya…macam mata saya.

Hafez: Tak..maksud saya..

Sebuah kereta berhenti di depan bus stop dan membunyikan hon.

Dina: Owh…adik saya dah sampai. Awak nak kemana ni sebenarnya?

Hafez: Saya nak balik rumah. Tunggu kawan datang ambil.

Dina: (Bangun) Owh...tadi awak dari mana?

Hafez: Padang bola belakang ni. Ada latihan.

Dina: (Bukak tongkat) Pemain bola?

Hafez: Taklah. Saya jurulatih.

Dina: Owh…selalu ke ‘training’ kat sini? Saya tak pernah nampak pun?

Hafez: Eh..saya memang selalu..(terhenti dan memandang Dina)

Dina: (Gelak)

Hafez: (Ikut sama gelak). Tak pernah ‘nampak’ ye?

Dina: (Gelak kecil) Oklah, Hafez. Adik saya dah tunggu.

Hafez: Ok.

Kamera fokus pada Dina sehingga dia menaiki kereta, kemudian close up mata Dina.

Dina: (menutup pintu kereta) Jalan dulu, coach!

Hafez: (Senyum) Yup!

Kereta Dina bergerak meninggalkan bus stop. Kamera perlahan-lahan mengalihkan fokus ke wajah Hafez dari hadapan. Kamera bergerak ke belakang perlahan2 sehingga kelihatan Hafez dari kepala ke pinggang. Hafez memakai pakaian sukan lengkap dengan wisel tergantung di leher. Hafez perlahan2 mengalih pandangannya dari kereta Dina ke sebiji bola sepak di sebelah kirinya. Kemudian kamera bergerak lagi ke belakang sehingga kelihatan Hafez sepenuhnya dari kepala ke kaki. Hafez mengalih pandangannya dari bola sepak tadi ke sepasang tongkat disebelah kanannya dan kaki kanannya yang kudung.

-THE END-

PEREMPUAN -episode 2

2010-10-31T06:10:00.000-07:00

Aku ke warung bapak pagi tadi. Kebetulan Aziah dan kawannya, Ana, datang berjalan ke Kuantan, aku bawalah mereka pekena roti canai. Sedang makan2, aku terdengarlah bapak bercerita dengan seorang pelanggannya tentang tokey warung sebelah. Pemilik warung tu suami isteri yang ada seorang anak kandung dan seorang anak angkat. Bapak kata warungnya sudah tiga bulan ditutup sebab isteri tokey warung tu sedang sakit, katanya kencing manis. Bermula dengan sebiji bisul di peha, keadaannya menjadi semakin kritikal sekarang. Bisulnya semakin melarat dan dia sudah tak mampu berjalan.

Kemudian aku tanya bapak,"Kenapa tak suami dia je yang bukak kedai?".

Jawab bapak, "Dah sibuk jaga dia kat hospital".

Lalu aku beristighfar. Tiada yang benar selain janji Tuhan. Apa yang Dia janji pasti akan jadi. Itulah satu benda yang kita, manusia, susah nak nampak. Bila dah jadi, baru nak tepuk dahi. Itupun kalau masih mampu nak angkat tangan untuk tepuk dahi.

Kenapa aku berkata begitu? Sebenarnya aku pernah tulis kisah isteri kepada tokey warung tu dalam entry di bawah ni lebih kurang 2 tahun yang lepas:

PEREMPUAN (klik)

Bukan niat untuk mengaibkan, tapi untuk sama2 mengambil pengajaran. Ini kisah dia, kisah kita tak tahu lagi. Yang pasti, janganlah sampai kisah kita pula ditulis orang suatu hari nanti. Semoga tuhan ampuni dosa2nya dan merahmati suaminya.

Ya Tuhan, ampunilah dosa2 aku.

OF COURSEs

2010-10-14T05:08:00.000-07:00

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/143/319625913_39f74c435c.jpg

I was tired
I went outside
It’s a bright shiny day showered with thousands diamond rays
But a second later…
Yeap...OF COURSE

I was hopeless
I went outside
I saw a blind man in a wheelchair crossing a road reaching the other end
But a second later…
Yeap…OF COURSE.

I was lonely
I went outside
And I saw a pair of eyes exactly like the ones in my dream
But a second later…
Yeap…OF COURSE.

Life is so full of ‘OF COURSEs’
But we still want to go outside
Looking for the exclusions to all convictions.

Thursday
22/4/2010
9.36 pm
My room

SOALAN-SOALAN STANDARD

2010-10-13T08:55:00.000-07:00

Soalan-soalan standard dalam hidup:

Dah habis SPM...
“Bila nak sambung degree?"

Dah habis degree...
“Bila nak sambung master? Bila nak kahwin?”

Dah habis master...
“Bila nak sambung PHD? Bila nak kahwin?”

Dah habis PHD...
“Laa...tak kahwin lagi. Bila nak kahwin?”

Dah kahwin...
“Bila nak timang anak?”

Dah dapat anak sorang...
“Bila nak tambah anak?”

Dah menopause...
“Bila nak timang cucu?”
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Kenapa la dari awal tak ditanya terus,
“Bila nak mampus?”

Jangan rasa soalan terakhir tu kasar dan menyakitkan hati, Sebab soalan yang atas2 tu pun sama je menyakitkan hati. Cuba baca balik.

Jangan nak cakap soalan yang last tu bukan hak kita nak jawab dan jawapannya hanya Tuhan yang tahu. Sebab jawapan kepada soalan yang atas-atas tu pun hanya Tuhan sahaja yang tahu. Lagi sekali, cuba baca balik.

TRAGEDI LAMPU ISYARAT

2010-10-11T07:11:00.000-07:00

...5...4...

Aku cuba mengukur. Nombor di depan dengan jarak di bawah. Sempat atau tidak.

...3...2...1...

Tidak. Aku berhenti.

...99...98...97...

99 saat yang membosankan. Aku memandang depan. Banyak binatang berkejaran. Kelisa kejar Kancil. Kancil kejar Rusa. Rusa kejar Kenari. Kelakar. Sedih . Hutan sudah bertukar batu. Binatang pulak bertukar besi. Tapi masih kosong.

...82...81...80...

Aku toleh ke kiri. Wuuuu.....Lancer merah memancar . Cuba melihat pemandunya tapi tinted cerminnya mungkin 110 %. Baru sahaja aku mahu kembali memandang ke depan, cermin tingkapnya diturunkan. Jejaka berkaca mata hitam, si pemandu Lancer, memandang ke arah aku. Aku mengangguk sambil melemparkan senyuman termanis. Dia pun turut senyum, tapi terlebih lebar sampai kelihatan ‘pagarnya’ yang dah ‘runtuh’ satu. Kensel. Mahu saja rasanya aku laungkan salah satu teori terfamous aku padanya.

“Brader, dari berhabis duit make up kereta, apa kata brader guna duit tu untuk make up muka sendiri?”.

Kembali pandang ke depan. Masih kosong.

...60...59...58...

Aku masih memandang ke depan. Leka memerhati countdown lampu isyarat sambil melagakan gigi atas dan bawah setiap kali nombor berubah.

“Ktak!!” .

“Oh, Big Mac!”.

Salah satu daripada bunyi itu adalah bunyi side mirror aku yang terlipat 90⁰. Dan yang lagi satu adalah bunyi aku melatah. Aku pun tak pasti yang mana satu bunyi aku melatah sebab masih dalam keadaan terkejut. Aku turunkan tingkap. Sebuah Yamaha TZM hijau sudahpun ke depan. Seorang penunggang, lelaki, dan seorang penonggeng, perempuan semestinya. Sedikit pun tidak perpaling untuk mengisyaratkan maaf. Si penonggeng kejap memeluk si penunggang. ‘Langkah keselamatan’ yang paling dipatuhi ramai. Tak perlu menunggu JPJ buat roadblock. Si penonggeng memakai t-shirt ELLE warna ungu . Aku tahu itu ELLE sebab aku ada baju yang sama dengan cutting yang sama, cuma t-shirt aku empat kali lebih kecil, yang aku beli di bundle pasar malam Taman Tas dengan harga RM2, yang hanya aku pakai di bilik tidur sebab agak tak sesuai untuk tontonan umum. Tapi aku yakin dia beli t-shirt itu dengan harga yang sebenar kerana warnanya tidak kusam seperti t-shirt aku. Dan jeans yang dipakai berjenama BUM. Aku tak punya jeans BUM tapi aku tahu itu BUM sebab labelnya jelas kelihatan sebab t-shirtnya high cut dan jeansnya low cut. Bukan label jeansnya sahaja, malah dari posisi aku, dua lipatan sisi kiri perutnya yang tak tertampung dek t-shirtnya itu juga jelas kelihatan. Aduhai. Kali ni aku terasa seperti nak melaungkan satu lagi teori aku yang tak kurang famousnya.

“Akak, kalau memang dah lawa, tak payah t-shirt ELLE ori, tak perlu jeans BUM bermutu tinggi. Kalau memang dah lawa, pakai baju ELLE lusuh yang dibeli di bundle pasar malam Taman Tas dengan arga RM2 untuk masuk tidur pun, tetap lawa!”.

...38...37...36...

Sama ada bunyi side mirror aku baru sampai ke telinganya atau dia terdengar laungan teori dari dalam hati aku tadi atau dia dapat rasa yang aku sedang mengira lipatan perutnya, si penonggeng tadi berpaling ke arah aku. Dari sebalik windshieldnya itu, dia memandang aku dengan kerut kehairanan, seperti tidak cukup kerut yang sedia ada. Aku pun turunkan cermin tingkap dan cuba untuk memadam riak bimbo di wajahnya dengan memberikan senyuman sambil menunjuk side mirror itu kepadanya dengan jari telunjuk kananku. Dia berpaling melihat side mirror aku seketika sebelum kembali memandang dan mengeluarkan jari tengah kirinya tepat ke arah muka aku. 2 saat...3 saat..dia masih lagi di posisi itu, sedia menunggu serangan balas aku.

Tak tahan melihat perangai j****gnya itu, aku julurkan tangan ke luar tingkap dan kedudukan side mirror aku betulkan. Jari tengahnya sudah disimpan tapi dia masih lagi memandang aku dengan secalit senyuman puas di wajahnya. Memang ketika itu aku amat berharap agar tiang lampu isyarat yang terpacak disebelahnya itu tiba-tiba patah dua dan menghempap tulang belakangnya sehingga dia lumpuh dan tak boleh menonggeng atas motor lagi. Atau tiang itu menghempap serebelumnya lalu mengakibatkan sarafnya rosak dan tak mampu mengangkat jarinya lagi. Atau tiang itu menghempap seluruh badannya sehingga dia terbelah dua dan tidak gemuk lagi. Tapi imaginasi aku yang terakhir berjaya membuatkan aku tersenyum sendiri. Lalu aku tujukan senyuman ‘ikhlas’ itu kepadanya sambil kembali menaikkan cermin tingkap. Di kala itu, aku teringat satu lagi teori yang memang terbukti kesahihannya.

Apa yang membuatkan seorang perempuan itu cantik bukanlah rupanya, pakaiannya tapi akhlaknya.

Tapi teori itu tidak aku laungkan, aku simpan untuk diri sendiri. Kembali pandang ke depan.

...28...27...26...

Aku cuba memberi perhatian kepada lampu isyarat yang sudah hampir bertukar hijau tapi kelibat dua wanita dari dalam side mirror kananku mencuri tumpuan aku. Wanita-wanita tersebut sedang berdiri di atas pembahagi jalan, betul-betul di belakang kereta aku sambil cuba untuk melintas. Lengkap berbaju kurung dan bertudung di hari Ahad, membuatkan aku sedikit kagum. Aku pun tidak berbaju kurung ketika keluar membeli-belah. Aku mengagak mereka keluar membeli-belah kerana kedua-duanya memegang plastik Mydin di tangan. Baru sahaja berperang tentang teori kecantikan, satu lagi kenyataan menyinggah minda aku. Zaman tidaklah senazak yang aku sangka. Masih ramai lagi manusia yang tahu mendefinisikan kecantikan. Dua wanita yang sedang aku perhatikan dari side mirror itu antara buktinya.

Aku masih lagi memerhatikan mereka. Dan ketika mereka mahu turun dari pembahagi jalan untuk melintas, salah seorang dari mereka tiba-tiba tersalah langkah dan terumbang-ambing seperi mahu jatuh. Aku turunkan cermin kereta untuk melihat dengan lebih jelas dan memang seperti jangkaan aku, wanita itu terpeleot dan terjelepuk di atas jalan, berhampiran dengan tayar kereta belakangku. Dan ketika itulah aku terdengar wanita itu menjerit “Adoi!” lalu diikuti dengan dialog di bawah:

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Wanita terpeleot: Sakit, nyah!!!! Tolonglah mak.

Kawannya: Ishhh!! Kau ni kenapa, nyah? Tak reti pakai heels, tak payahlah pakai. Mak dah suruh kau pakai Crocs tadi, tak mau. Padan muka! Dahlah tu, baju kurung kain sempit tu jugaklah kau nak pakai, kau nak kepit ape nyah?

Wanita terpeleot: Crocs? Hey, baju ni abang Hamdan yang beli untuk mak tau. Kasut ni pun haa... Prada lagi. Kau nak suruh mak simpan? Dahlah, tolong angkat mak ni. Aduiiih...jatuh rahim mak!

Sesungguhnya aku sangat-sangat bersyukur kepada Tuhan tatkala itu, kerana ketika dialog itu sudah hampir ke bahagian kritikal, lampu isyarat yang aku nantikan dari tadi sudahpun bertukar hijau. Aduhh...kenapalah Viva tak boleh pergi 180kmph dalam masa 2 saat?

***cerita di atas adalah rekaan semata-mata, kalau terkena, sori...tak sengaja...****

PRETTY UGLY BETTY

2010-10-03T08:56:00.001-07:00

After two weeks, I finally finished watching Ugly Betty, season 1 till 4. Don’t worry if you haven’t watched it yet because this is not a spoiler. I am not going to comment on the story, even though I didn’t really like the ending. I don’t feel that Betty should be with Daniel. And I have a theory that the writer didn’t want it to end that way either but maybe he just happened to google it on the internet and found out that a lot of the fans were hoping it to end that way. So to play safe, they just left it hanging. In the final scene, Daniel asked Betty out to dinner, Betty said yes (both in slightly ‘different’ tones and body language) and they hugged each other like friends, no kissing. So there are a thousand possibilities for their upcoming relationship.

Honestly, I too used to picture them together, but now that I’ve seen the real picture, it’s kind of disturbing. They were meant to be best friends and being in a relationship will just ruin everything. I know season 4 is the final, but if there were ever a season 5, then the first episode would be where they’ll kiss and stop after 5 seconds, look at each other, feeling weird, disgusted and violated at the same time and then decide that the whole relationship thing was a mistake.

Or…maybe I’m wrong. Maybe they could be together, but the transition from being friends to Daniel having feelings for Betty was too fast. So, probably what they needed were more ‘moments’ together to make them realize their real feelings for each other. Looking at Betty smiling without braces or how pretty she was (not that pretty actually) on Hilda’s wedding day or listening to Hilda’s speech about “How do I know that I love Bobby” are not enough. There wasn’t even any flashback on the thick and thin that they’ve been through. Or simply put, ANOTHER SEASON MIGHT NOT HURT, HELLOOO!!!!

Opppsss….did I just tell what the ending was? Sorry...but don’t worry, I didn’t spoil that much. You don’t have any idea how Daniel’s half brother (who is incredibly hot) ended up shooting Wilhemina and put her in coma or how Amanda found her real father (and he’s gay, can you believe that?) or how Wilhemina finally landed the Editor in Chief position that she had made her worth-dying-for goal of life. Or how Henry and Gio…..errrr….I should probably stop now.

Why do I even care how the story ended? A story is a story and it has to end somehow. It’s just that, I don’t mind for it to be left hanging if it’s a 2 hour movie. But a 4 season TV series? That I spent two weeks to watch????

Whatever.

What I really want to write about is something that I realized after watching it. It’s about CHANGES. How Betty evolved from an assistant to an editor, from a girl who would wear a tablecloth to work to a woman who finally knows how to lose the bang and tie her hair up.
During her final days at MODE, she found out that Marc has created a blog where he posted all of Betty’s pictures from her first day at work. After looking at those pictures, she realized how she has changed over those 4 years.

We also have to go through that process. Try to look again at all of your old pictures. I really mean it when I said ‘old’. It means pictures from 10-15 years ago. And you’ll definitely smile and ask, “Was that really me?” Or... you could also cry.

Take a closer look at what’s changed. It could be how you wore your ‘tudung’ (for girls) or your hairstyle (for boys). It could also be the background of the picture or the person standing next to you.

Time flies so fast. When you look again at all those old pictures, you could hardly believe that’s you. It’s like, all those moments never happened. At that time, the person standing next to you in the picture could be your best friend. But now, you don’t even have her/his phone number, or worse, you’re not even friends on facebook.

Things that really matter to you 10 years ago might not be that important anymore. Or things that you never cared before are now standing at the top of your priority list.

8 years ago, when I was posing with a sketchbook and a charcoal pencil in my hand, never did I know that 8 years later, I’ll end up carrying around Technical Writing module and a whiteboard marker.

CHANGES. Wherein lies the fun of life. You’ll never know in which part of the world you’ll be tomorrow. Or whose heart you’re going to touch the second after.

Magika

2010-09-27T00:48:00.000-07:00

Aku dah tengok Magika hari Sabtu lepas. Tahniah kepada Edry dan KRU atas produk terbaru mereka ini.

Tapi maaf, bagi aku, filem ini tidaklah ‘semagika’ judulnya. Kalau filem Cicakman aku boleh maafkan sebab walaupun jalan ceritanya bosan dan klise, at least effect CGI nya boleh tahan. Tapi Magika bagi aku, dua-dua pun mengecewakan. Bila aku baca2 di internet, aku dapat agak sebab-sebabnya. Ini aku quote apa yang Edry cakap:

1. "Skrip dan lagu dalam filem ini dibancuh dengan mudah kerana, sayalah pengarah, penulis skrip dan juga pencipta lagu serta penulis lirik. Jika ambil orang lain mungkin mood itu agak berlainan.”

http://syoknyadownload.blogspot.com/2010/07/magika-yg-magis-buat-edry-takut.html

Memang ada baiknya kalau penulis skrip, pengarah, pencipta lagu dan penulis skrip orang yang sama. Tapi teori tu mungkin berkesan untuk James Cameron, Christopher Nolan dan yang seangkatan dengannya. Bukan nak merendah-rendahkan, tapi Edry agak kurang berpengalaman dalam bidang penulisan skrip dan pengarahan dan ini filem pertama arahan dia. Kalau semua dia yang buat, memang jadi filem syok sendiri lah jawabnya. Dan dia pun cakap, “dibancuh dengan MUDAH”. Maka memang “mudah”lah ceritanya.

2. Menurut Edry, dia mula mendapat idea untuk menghasilkan "Magika" ketika waktu pembikinan "Duyung" (2008) lagi.

http://mytupai.blogspot.com/2010/02/magika-lebih-baik-daripada-cicak-man.html

Ini nak menunjukkan yang Edry mengambil masa yang lama untuk hasilkan filem ni. Tapi cuba baca yang ini pulak.

From original writing to release, it took about 15 years for Avatar to get to cinemas; the workings to create the movie itself took about 4 years. James Cameron (writer/director/producer) had the idea and wrote an 80 page mini-script for the movie in 1994. Announcing in 1996 that he would begin making Avatar after the release of Titanic, Cameron was going to begin production in 1997 and planned to complete the film in 1999. Cameron soon decided that available technologies would not be able to properly create his vision, so he decided to put off making the film. In 2005 Cameron began work on the movie again. The language development began, and in early 2006 he began work on the actual script, cultural development and components of his fictional universe. Principal photography began in mid 2007, with live photography starting in October of 2007. The official release date of the movie was December 18, 2009.

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_long_did_it_take_to_make_the_film_avatar

15 tahun untuk hasilkan satu filem. Sebab itu filem-filem dia detail. Dari segi jalan ceritanya, penciptaan wataknya, settingnya.

Jalan cerita Magika bagi aku agak “shallow”. Yang ditekankan adalah hubungan adik beradik antara Ayu dan Malik, jadi tak perlulah tunjuk kisah mak dia mati sebab derma buah pinggang kat Malik. Bagi aku, itu terlalu berat untuk budak seperti Malik. Banyakkanlah kisah macam mana Ayu jaga dia lepas mak dia meninggal. Katanya kisah budak nakal, tapi tak tunjuk pun contoh2 kenakalan dia dengan Ayu. Setakat di permulaan cerita, Malik menyorok dalam hutan.

Dan scene Ayu tengah sibuk2 cari Malik, tiba2 boleh feeling dengan Badang, siap main tulis nama atas pasir. Dalam masa tak sampai sehari dah boleh bercengkerama. Terlalu cepat dan agak kalut jugakla jalan ceritanya.

Filem ni memang banyak tampilkan watak2 lagenda Melayu, tapi yang betul2 terlibat cuma Badang dan Nenek Kebayan sahaja. Yang lain setakat special appearance sahaja. Jalan ceritanya terlalu mudah. Lebih banyak lagi watak boleh dilibatkan dalam kes penculikan Malik. Filem ni cuma ambil masa sejam setengah. Kalau dipanjangkan ke dua jam, mungkin boleh jadi lebih menarik. Itu pun ada jugak scene yang tak berapa penting seperti mimpi Malik bertemu dengan Bawang Putih& Bawang Merah dan kemudiannya diserahkan semula ke Nenek Kebayan. Itu setakat nak muatkan sebuah lagi lagu dalam filem tu. Yelah, filem muzikal kan.

Dari segi effect, membazir rasanya pakai CGI. Effect yang berkesan cuma effect jambatan yang terbina dengan sendiri di penghujung cerita ketika nak seberang Tasik Chini. Ini kata Edry:

“Selain lagu yang diselitkan dalam filem harus selari dengan skrip, kisah fantasi yang dihasilkan juga harus realistik dengan dunia sebenar supaya ia lebih senang diterima penonton.”

http://www.kosmo.com.my/kosmo/content.asp?y=2010&dt=0708&pub=Kosmo&sec=Hiburan&pg=hi_01.htm

Kalau dah namanya fantasi, kenapa nak sama dengan dunia realiti. Penonton bukannya close-minded sangat sampai tak boleh terima. Harry Potter pun kita boleh layan, inikan pulak lagenda kita, yang sikit sebanyak kita dah tahu jalan ceritanya. Kita cuma nak tengok macam mana agaknya kalau watak2 tersebut hidup di satu dunia dan zaman yang sama. Apa jadi kalau Badang jumpa Hang Tuah. Kalau Mahsuri berjiran dengan Puteri Gunung Ledang.

Dalam Magika, dunia Magika digambarkan sangat ceria. Warna pokoknya, sungainya, dan langitnya sangat terang. Tapi dunia realitinya digambarkan gelap dan suram. Sedangkan dalam dunia Magika ada watak2 jahat yang nak menghancurkan Ayu dan Malik dan dunia realiti pula ada watak ayah dan nenek yang sangat menyayangi diorang. Itu aku tak tahu apa motifnya.

Rumah Nenek Kebayan pulak digambarkan sangat sempoi. Setakat ada perangkap macam perangkap ayam yang nampak sangat mudah nak dibolosi dan beberapa rak kayu yang ada ‘potion’2 dia. Dan aksi dia berlawan dengan Badang sangat hampeh. Setakat baling2 tabung uji Nenek Kebayan tu. Sedangkan Nenek Kebayan sepatutnya banyak magical power, dan Badang pulak terkenal dengan kekuatannya. Tapi scene berlawan setakat main kejar2 keliling tempayan. Aduuuh! Sepatutnya CGI tu boleh digunakan untuk create rumah Nenek Kebayan yang lebih grand, bertingkat2, banyak perangkap. Dan aksi lawannya bolehlah buat keluar api dahsyat2 ke..apa ke.

Dan bercerita pasal fantasi, dalam Magika, antara haiwan yang dipaparkan adalah anjing. Aku serius tak tahu itu lagenda mana. Naga tasik Chini tu kenala jugak. Anjing? Kalau ye pun nak kaitkan dengan dunia realiti, takkanlah anjing. J.K Rowling pun tahu nak buat anjing kepala 3...siap boleh cipta Quidditch siap dengan rules sekali. Relate jugak dengan dunia realiti…ada padang, ada gol, ada bola..tapi bukan bola sepak pun. Atau sememangnya ada lagenda anjing? Anjing dengan bayang2 ke?

Bagi aku,samalah macam filem2 Melayu yang lain, Magika dihasilkan berdasarkan research yang tak berapa mendalam. Ia sepatutnya boleh jadi segah Puteri Gunung Ledang. Masa mula2 aku dengar pasal Magika, aku sangat teruja dan berkata, “Setelah berapa lama, akhirnya ada jugak pembikin filem yang terfikir nak buat cerita macam ini.” Tapi sayang, idea yang sehebat itu telah pun berjaya disia-siakan.

Chuck Season 3

2010-09-11T11:35:00.000-07:00

It is the third day of raya. Usually I’d write something about my raya on my last day of work before I’m off for the holiday, but not this year. As I’ve mentioned in those entries, my raya is usually scheduled, so there’s nothing new to write about. Except that, this year, I baked some raya cookies, for the first time in my life. But other than the fact that some friends have already started asking for the recipes, there’s really nothing to brag about. Hehehee..But for me to be able to bake those cookies, I have to buy an oven and a mixer. So… there goes my bonus and my baju raya!!!!

And yes, one more thing…I’ve finally realized that my car does need some makeup, so…once again, there goes my bonus and my baju raya!!!! But it’s worth it. But…there goes my bonus and my baju raya!!!

Luckily few days after that my KWSP claim was wired. So, I went to Megamall to look for some raya stuff. This time, I definitely wanted to buy another baju raya, but once again, there it goes. Don’t blame me. Blame the dvd store owner who, out of nowhere, answered “Yes!” to my ‘out-of-nowhere’ question that I ‘accidentally’ asked when I passed by the store. Know what my question was?

“Tokey, Chuck season 3 sudah ada ka?”

So…. for the third time, there goes my bonus…no, my bonus has long been gone…. there goes my baju raya!!! But this time, it’s really worth it.

Then I quickly went back home and watched it (in just two nights..huh…). I wrote a review on Chuck season 1 about 2 years ago, but didn’t have the chance to do it for season 2.

As usual, Chuck has never failed to surprise me, from season 1 until 3. I know a real spy must hate watching Chuck as once a surgeon that I know from Skype hates watching House because he said it’s so full of drama and real life is nothing like that. But as I’m not a spy, and I don’t know the real game, I think Chuck is very interesting (as a drama).

In the first season, I like Chuck’s character. A computer genius, who never punched people before in his life, suddenly has to do a real spy job.

In season 2, I like the surprises. Chuck’s father, who’s long been gone, was actually the one who created the Intersect. And in the end, when Chuck has finally succeeded in removing the intersect out of his head, and when the new upgraded intersect was about to go into Bryce Larkin’s head, Bryce was shot dead. To avoid the intersect from being stolen by the Ring, Chuck downloaded it again, into his head. And this time, the upgraded version is equipped with every skill a superspy needs…including Kung Fu.

So, in season 3, Chuck finally has a chance to kick some ass, but only if he flashes. If he doesn’t, still he couldn’t defend himself, even from a woman’s slap. Other than Kung Fu, he can also play Mexican music, dance and perform a surgery…but again, only if he flashes. And also, more surprises await you, such as, Chuck actually used to download an intersect into his head, accidentally, when he was just a little boy. And Casey has daughter. Then, Chuck’s father’s dead and leave him a secret operation base, that was there, all along, in their childhood’s house basement. And…his mother’s alive.

I love the storyline. As a proof, I gasped all the time while watching.

But what I really love about season 3 is……… (drumroll please)…

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Brandon Routh!!!!!

Yup, the Superman is now a superspy. His voice and his perfectly shaped face and body do make me think… it’s actually possible that he is indeed from another planet. I don’t think there’s any character that suits him other than a superhero or a superspy…or a gay. Nope, the last one’s not from my imagination. He played a gay once with Justin Long but not as main roles.

When I watched season 2, I did wonder why they didn’t cast Brandon Routh. Hahaha. Guess they heard me. But I’m not sure if he’s still going to be there in Season 4. He played a bad guy in this season. He was beaten up in the last episode by Chuck and Sarah and later captured but it didn’t seem like he’s dead. As I said, it’s full of surprises and you’ll never know. Can’t wait for season 4.

So, in conclusion, my raya this year is about kuih raya, kereta raya and Chuck.

Selamat Hari Raya.

M-E-R-D-E-K-A

2010-08-30T09:51:00.000-07:00

Ajarkan kami
Mengeja M-E-R-D-E-K-A
Sebelumnya jelangnya 31 Ogos
Sebelum masuknya kami
Ke gelanggang sambutan
Ke padang raian

Ajarkan kami
Agar tidak lagi kami
Melaung dalam sepi
Melompat dalam kabur
Sebelum jatuh menyembah kebenaran
Lalu diusung di atas keterlewatan

Ajarkan kami
Sebelum jelangnya 31 Ogos
Agar sempat pula
Kami ajarkan
Anak-anak kami

Rabu
31/08/05
12.00 am
D-261

When Life Asks

2010-08-21T06:37:00.000-07:00

Life is asking for too much

Dream the unimaginable
Imagine the indescribable
Describe the invisible

Grab the untouchable
Touch the unreachable
Reach the unapproachable

Preach the impracticable
Practice the undoable
Do the unattainable

Challenge the unbeatable
Beat the indestructible
Destruct the immortal

As if there’s nothing impossible
But it’s worth it.

Kisah Selanjutnya Kereta Bapak

2010-08-19T07:11:00.000-07:00

Seperti yang telah aku ceritakan, kereta bapak aku telah dijumpai. Dan sudah pun dikeluarkan dari balai polis tengahari tadi.

Dalam entri sebelum ini, bila aku katakan kereta itu dijumpai di depan klinik, ada yang menyuruh aku bersangka baik dengan menyatakan bahawa pencuri itu mungkin terdesak nak membawa anak atau isteri ke klinik. (Anak? Isteri? Aku suka bagaimana orang selalu generalize ‘pencuri’ sebagai ‘lelaki”. Hehehe).

Tapi tidak, niat pencuri itu tidak semulia itu. Niat pencuri itu sebenarnya LEBIH MULIA dari itu. Ya, anda tidak salah baca. LEBIH MULIA. Kenapa?

Sebelum ni, lampu dan signal kereta tu dah berzaman tak berfungsi sebab wiring rosak. Alih2 tadi, semuanya dah ok.

Sebelum ni, salah satu dari pintu kereta tu agak longgar skrunya menyebabkannya sedikit terjatuh apabila dibuka. Alih2 tadi, pintu tu pun dah ok.

Sebelum ni, disebabkan kereta tu selalu digunakan untuk bawa barang meniaga dan kadang2 dibawa ke kebun, maka faham2 sajalah tahap kebersihannya, lebih2 lagi di bahagian dalam. Alih2 tadi, sudah lebih bersih dari kereta aku. Hahaha.

Tu baru hilang seminggu lebih. Kalau tunggu seminggu lagi, mau jadi TRANSFORMER agaknya kereta tu.

Apalah agaknya perasaan pencuri itu sekarang?

Mungkin gembira kerana ‘niatnya’ untuk tolong ‘membaiki’ kereta bapak secara percuma, sebagai ibadah di bulan Ramadhan, telah pun terlaksana. Alhamdulillah.

Tapi, disebabkan porch yang kecik, dan keutamaan untuk parking di dalam telah diberikan kepada van bapak, untuk hari2 yang mendatang, kereta itu tempatnya masih lagi di luar. Huhuhu.

RM0.10 vs RM 10

2010-08-18T07:38:00.000-07:00

Lebih kurang dua minggu lalu, kereta bapak aku hilang. Toyota Cressida WBC7664 itu selalu diparking di depan kedai depan rumah aku. Tidak berbumbung, tidak berpagar. Dan kerana usianya juga, pintunya tidak boleh dikunci. Mungkin sebab itu, kereta bapak aku menjadi target si pencuri. Makanya, bapak hanya mampu pasrah, sesudah laporan polis dibuat.

Tapi alhamdulillah, dengan izin Allah, dan dengan keberkatan bulan Ramadhan, petang tadi bapak dapat panggilan dari balai polis. Kereta kesayangannya sudah dijumpai.

Tapi aku sedikit hairan. Kalau betul si pencuri itu niatnya hendak mencuri, beberapa jam selepas dicuri, mesti keretanya sudah berada jauh dari Kuantan. Kalau masih ada di Kuantan pun, sekurang-kurangnya mesti disembunyi di tempat yang tak mungkin dijumpai orang. Kalau tiada tempat untuk disembunyi pun, sekurang-kurangnya nombor platnya mesti ditukar.

Tapi tidak. Kereta bapak dijumpai diparking terang-terangan di depan klinik di Taman Mahkota Aman, 4 batu sahaja jaraknya dari Taman Tas. Dan mengikut kata bapak, segala barang2 masih ada dalam kereta, tidak terusik. Plat kereta jugak tidak ditukar.

Lalu aku teringat salah satu dari pesan bapak.

“Jangan diambil hak orang. Kalau kita ambil 10 sen duit orang, nanti 10 ringgit duit kita hilang.”

Pesan itu pertama kali aku dengar ketika aku masih kecil. Ketika aku masih menyangka bahawa segala yang aku temui tanpa pemilik itu boleh aku ambil sesuka hati.

Mungkin harta bapak tidak jadi diambil orang sebab bapak tidak mengambil harta orang.

Mungkin juga Tuhan dengan kuasaNya, telah membuka pintu hati si pencuri untuk ‘memulangkan’ barang yang dicurinya.

Sungguh janji-janji Tuhan itu benar.

Dan sungguh perancangan Tuhan itu tidak tercapai dek fikiran kita, tapi penyudahnya memang dicipta untuk kita sama-sama fikirkan.

INCEPTION

2010-07-26T22:59:00.000-07:00

After The Dark Knight, here comes another masterpiece from Christopher Nolan.

A story about a skilled thief, trained to steal ideas from your subconscious mind. Stealing ideas is nothing for him, but later, he got an offer not to steal, but to PLANT one in someone’s mind. How was the story? BRILLIANT.

It is based on a simple concept elaborated and narrated in the most complex but structured storyline. You have to be able to follow it closely at every second until you finally reach the end gate. As how the dreams (in the story) structured in a form of mazes, that’s how the plots were arranged. For me to be able to understand, I couldn’t blink my eyes or stop thinking for a second throughout the entire movie. Still, there were some parts that I couldn’t get.

So I browse for some explanation. For those who have watched it, you can read these articles and compare it with your own understanding.

My final theories on 'Inception'

An Illustrated Guide To The 5 Levels Of Inception

For those who haven’t, GO WATCH IT FIRST!

P/S: Prof, how's the next movie going on? Still dreaming? It's ok. Keep on dreaming. Nobody's gonna steal yours.

Why did you?

2010-07-14T19:46:00.000-07:00

Why did you?

My sky had finally turned back into the normal blue
My leaves to the normal green
My river to the normal clear
My wind to the normal mild
And my favourite tiny little star to the normal bright

Normal worked just fine for me

But why did you?

Semester I 10/11

2010-07-11T03:53:00.000-07:00

Esok semester sudah bermula dan aku akan berjumpa dengan student2 baru. Aku berasa sangat..................................

*Sumpah, setengah jam aku termenung depan laptop, cuba memikirkan ayat yang sesuai untuk menyambung ayat di atas, tapi tak mampu.

Nombor

2010-07-09T07:56:00.000-07:00

Apa yang kita kejar dalam hidup? Manusia tak henti-henti berlari.
Mungkin sebab kita belajar membilang sampai enam, tujuh, lapan angka.
Kalau kita hanya tahu nombor satu, mungkin kita tak perlu berlari sana-sini.
Dapat satu, cukup.
Yang lain, bagi pada orang di sebelah.
Tapi kita kenal angka sampai nilai billion.

Mungkin kerana itu kita penat.
Penat tak pasal-pasal.
Penat mencari benda-benda yang tak perlu.
Benda-benda yang akhirnya habis.
Akhirnya rosak.
Akhirnya lusuh.
Akhirnya reput.
Akhirnya tetap tak boleh nak dibawa ke dalam keranda
.
Banyak benda yang kita cari.
Sampai penuh rumah.
Penuh peti besi.
Penuh akaun bank.
Penuh perut.
Akhirnya jiwa tetap kosong.

Itulah jadinya bila manusia bercakap pakai nombor.

Tapi sebenarnya kita memang perlu pandai mengira
Bukan setakat satu, dua dan tiga
Bukan juga sampai billion
Tapi sampai satu nombor yang kita sendiri sudah tidak mampu untuk memberi nilai

Sebab akan sampai saatnya nanti
Kita akan berbumbungkan langit malam
Dan ketika itu baru kita teringat
Untuk mengira kerlipnya bintang

Dan akan sampai saat yang lain
Kita akan berbogel
Dan ketika itu baru kita teringat
Untuk mengira liang roma di badan sendiri

Akhirnya pula akan tiba satu lagi saat
Untuk kita kembali mengira
Nafas sepanjang hidup yang sudah kita hela
Saat ianya bersisa hanya satu.

The mountain, path, trees, sun and ME.

2010-07-09T02:22:00.000-07:00

I took a personality test on the internet and this is what I drew:

And this is the result:

You tend to pursue many different activities simultaneously. When misfortune does happen, it doesn't actually dishearten you all that much.

You have a peaceful mind, viewing the world with calm and serenity. To you, life is not about struggle and strife but about existence and co-existence.

You are creative, mentally active and industrious.

You have a sunny, cheerful disposition.

Want to try? Click here http://drawing.feedbucket.com/start.php

ECLIPSE

2010-07-05T09:48:00.000-07:00

I’ve watched Eclipse. It was better than “New Moon” but still…..the fight was too easy. I don’t want to ‘discuss’ too much about it. It’s already the third movie and I guess it’s time for us to say “Let it be”. But what I like about the movie was this speech given by Jessica, the valedictorian, on their graduation day.

"When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our answers were things like astronaut, president, or in my case…a princess.

When we were ten, they asked again and we answered - rock star, cowboy, or in my case…a gold medalist. But now that we've grown up, they want a serious answer. Well, how about this: who the hell knows?!

This isn't the time to make hard and fast decisions. This is the time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere. Fall in love - a lot. Major in philosophy because there's no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind. And change it again, because nothing is permanent. So make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask what we want to be, we won't have to guess. We'll know."

I love this speech so much.

And yeah, plus another scene, where they hid Bella on a mountain covered with snow, and Bella was freezing, and there was nothing Edward could do as what he’s good at is probably turning hot water into ice. Then Jacob went into the tent and found out that Bella was freezing and instantly thought of comforting Bella with his warm warewolf blood, covered with hot flesh, fastened with mighty muscles and veins, and lastly finished with perfectly moisturized skin. And Edward, as an excellent mind reader, said “Forget it.” And they went into a brief argument where Jacob finally found a perfect snap. “Let’s face it. I am ‘hotter’ than you.”

Aaauuuuuuuuuu…….(let’s howl together…hahahaha…)

But I think that scene reminds me of the one from Shashi Kapoor’s movie, filmed in….early 80’s I guess. Whatever.

P/S: Edward, don't be sad. Come to Malaysia, we need you more here. Hehehe....

2010-07-04T06:16:00.000-07:00

You wonder why I never cried each time I lost my toy?
That's because I never smiled each time I got one.

Entry ke 20 tahun ini.

2010-06-24T04:43:00.000-07:00

2010 sudah habis hamper setengah. Tapi tengoklah jumlah entry aku tahun ni. Ini baru entry yang ke20. Tahun lepas, pada masa ini, aku sudah tulis lebih kurang 45 entry. Kenapa? 2 benda.

1. Facebook
2. Movie

Yup. Aku memang banyak habiskan masa dengan melayan Facebook. Apa yang aku buat pun aku tak tahu.

Movie? Dulu aku ingat aku akan kurang tengok movie sebab duit banyak habis untuk bayar yuran master dan ulang alik ke UM. Maka, aku akan berkira sikit nak beli DVD. Alih-alih, sekarang aku dah pandai download movie sendiri. F.O.C. Apa lagi. Sedut jela semua sekali.

Dulu, boleh dikatakan setiap movie yang aku tengok, aku akan tulis reviewnya di sini. Tapi bila dah mengadap banyak sekali, tak kuasa dah aku. Kalau adapun, setakat satu dua line sahaja, dan itupun di Facebook. Yang betul-betul mencuit minda dan hati saja aku akan tulis di sini.

Entahlah kenapa aku boleh addicted. Sampaikan kalau sembang kosong dengan kawan2 pun, walau apa pun sekali topiknya, pasti dengan pantas akan trigger memori aku tentang movie2 yang aku dah tengok. Dan mulalah aku keluarkan line2 dalam cerita tu. Macam buat ‘literature review’, bak kata Intan. Ayat ‘literature review’ aku selalunya berbunyi, “Korang dah tengok cerita_________________?”. Isi tempat kosong dengan mana2 tajuk movie. Lepas tu mulalah aku keluarkan satu persatu line yang kena dengan topic yang dibincangkan. Kalaulah aku boleh hafal dan recite ayat2 Quran macam aku hafal line movie kan bagus. Macam watak Amani dengan adik dia dalam cerita Muallaf tu.

See? Kan aku dah bagi literature review yang pertama untuk entry ni. Huh!

Tak dinafikan banyak faedah yang aku dapat dari addiction aku yang satu ni. Yang pertama, tambah ilmu pengetahuan. Yang kedua, dapat improve English aku. Yang ketiga, itulah selalunya sumber untuk aku memberi contoh tentang topik2 yang dipelajari kepada student2 aku. Maklumlah, aku bukan jenis yang suka merantau, so movie jelah sumber dunia luar aku.

Tapi bila dah banyak sangat tengok movie, mulalah hilang seronoknya. Bak kata Mr Han dalam The Karate Kid, “Too much of good stuff is bad stuff.” (Literature review yang ke2 untuk entry ni). Bila dah banyak sangat tengok, mulalah aku akan come across 2,3,4,5,6 movie yang jalan ceritanya yang lebih kurang sama. Sampai kadang2 aku dah boleh agak endingnya. Bosan. Aku bukan lagi tengok untuk berhibur. Aku tengok untuk mengkritik, walaupun tak layak jadi pengkritik. Pedehal!.

Movie English aku boleh terima lagi. Walaupun banyak yang tak bertamadun, yang bertamadun lagi banyak. Diorang beratus movie satu tahun. Tapi kalau filem kita ni, dahlah tak banyak, yang ada pun…aduhhh gitew…bak kata Kakak Senduk. Lebih2 lagi cerita2 prof kita yang seorang tu.

Aku download cerita kembar siam tu nak tengok. Tahniah, konsep ‘Tangkap Muat’ nya masih lagi dikekalkan dalam filem2 die. Ending nya mesti semua orang akan dapat pasangan. Terencat ke, melekat ke, mesti dapat pasangan walaupun baru berjumpa di dua minit terakhir sebelum filem tamat. Setakat main tunjuk2 jer…” Hang nak sapa? Hah, ambiklah!”

Lagi satu, konsep ‘Satu Badut’ nya juga masih maintain. Perasan tak dalam setiap cerita dia mesti akan ada sorang ‘Badut’. Cerita anak mami yang tak berapa nak mami tu, badutnya Rashidi Ishak. Cerita ikan duyung tu badutnya a.k.a beruknya,Yassin. Cerita Apek ngan Erra, Yusri dan Ning tu…badutnya Yusri. Cerita kembar siam ni Fauziah Gous plak jadi badutnya. Yelah, kalau filem2 James Cameron konsepnya ‘Box Office’, prof kita pun nak ada konsep jugak
kan? Bukan tak nak sokong, cuma tak nak ikut sama jadi badut. Esok2 kalau dah berjaya hasilkan filem2 bijak, kami sokong yer.

Filem bijak bagi aku bukanlah filem2 yang ‘mengajar’. TV Pendidikan je yang layak buat filem untuk mengajar. Filem bijak adalah filem2 yang jalan ceritanya dibina daripada satu isu yang significant, isu yang mengajak dan merangsang otak kita untuk berfikir. Isu2 yang berbaloi untuk difikirkan. Bagi aku setakat ni, inilah antara filem2 bijak yang pernah aku tengok, beserta dengan isu yang diutarakan untuk kita sama2 fikirkan.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Apa itu takdir? Kebetulan atau suratan?

The Invention of Lying
Apa itu kebenaran? Kejujuran atau manipulasi penipuan?

Muallaf
Apa itu Islam? Ikutan atau fahaman?

Senang sangat ke proses buat movie ni? Aku tak tau. Tapi nampak macam susah je. So, alang2 dah bersusah payah tulis skrip, cari pelakon, cari tempat, cari penaja, cari rambut palsu, cari pakar mekap luar negara nak bagi effect gemuk dan tua yang real.......jalan ceritanya tu, biarlah berbaloi dan bertamadun sikit kot.

Steer It!

2010-06-21T21:35:00.000-07:00

Yeah...sitting in the passenger seat is, no doubt, way more comfortable. But nothing beats the feeling of being able to steer the wheels and the whole journey with your own bare hands. The feeling of BEING IN CONTROL and FREEDOM. And I want those hands to be MINE.

"The Pursuit of Happyness"

2010-06-21T02:14:00.000-07:00

I watched this movie for the second time last weekend, on Father’s Day. But as usual, I wasn’t aware of that. I saw Jaden Smith in ‘The Karate Kid’ and was surprised at how good of an actor he has become.

Then I remembered that I used to watch him in’ The Pursuit of Happyness’, his debut film. Suddenly I felt like watching it again. And it just happened that it was Father’s Day.

There are so many things that I could talk about regarding this film. Father, mother, son, pain, endurance, life, love and happiness. How a father could endure all kind of pain so that his son could have a better life. How a mother could leave her son behind so that she herself could have a better life. How a son could go on a painful journey with his father and still loves to tell a joke at every chance he gets. How life is hard to live. How love is hard to define. And how happiness is hard to pursue.

Chris Gardner (the father) ,in one of the scenes, was thinking to himself:

“It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?”

He concluded that happiness is something that can only be pursued, not owned.

But then, after months of moving in and out of apartments including sleeping in a big hall full of homeless and a public toilet at a train station, Christopher, the son, with his small hand, rubbed his father’s chin, looked him in the eyes and told him with the sweetest voice ever ,”You’re a good papa”.

It turns out that all this while, love has been very hard to define because it is so pure, it doesn’t even need a definition. And happiness on the other hand being hard to pursue because we ourselves forget to define it. That little boy simply defined happiness as “Moments I have with my father”, thus he got it.

What is ‘happiness’ to us? Huh, look who’s talking….

A life you never wanted

2010-06-13T13:12:00.000-07:00

"A life you never wanted is indeed a teacher you never expected" ~ Farah

*A tribute to 'The Karate Kid 2010'

LOVE

2010-05-07T20:11:00.000-07:00

LOVE is said to be unconditional. Yet it’s not easy for us to just blurt it out. We still need a reason to say ‘I LOVE YOU’ to someone. And sometimes we need a special occasion or a worldwide accepted special day like VALENTINE’S DAY, FRIENDSHIP’S DAY and FATHER’S DAY as a medium for us to express our love. And when I logged on to Facebook just now, I read lots of love wishes from my friends to their moms, so now I know that it’s Mother’s Day today. Or is it yesterday? Or tomorrow? To be honest, I don’t even know what date or what month of the year does it fall on, as I never celebrated it, as my mom died way before I understand what love is. But I still have a father, yet I don’t celebrate Father’s Day either. It’s just……awkward. To someone I love and care about, there are two phrases that are really hard for me to say or even paraphrase. I LOVE YOU and I’M SORRY. Especially when I really mean them. I don’t know why. There must be something wrong with my system. An old friend used to refer to me as ‘Perempuan Takde Perasaan’. And I get that quite a number of times from quite a number of people. But I am a Cancerian and Cancerians are believed to be the most sensitive ones.

A deeper understanding of emotions and interest in poetry are common amongst Cancerian women as they are a very emotional person themselves and tend to write poetry at some stage of their life.

This is what I get from http://www.sajilo.com/horoscope/women/cancerwomen.htm

See? And yeah…I do write poems. And believe me, if I don’t have feelings or emotions or whatever it is that they say I’m lacking of, I won’t even have a blog, right? Right.

But from the latest theory I’ve heard, I am emotionless because I’m flat-chested. Huh, why didn’t I think of that before? You know…because emotions come from the heart…and the heart is in your chest…and how big your emotion capacity is. actually depends on how big your boobs….sorry…heart is.

Or is it boobs? Oh God, this is a tough one. They’re indeed easily confused.

Come back to the wishes on Facebook. I wonder what are those wishes doing in there? I’m not sure if their moms even own a Facebook account. Who were they trying to express their love towards their moms to? Their moms or the world? Do their moms even know about the wish?

From what I believe, love is so sacred and pure, you don’t even have to show it off to anyone,except to the one the love is meant for. In fact, you can't.Because, once you do so, it’ll become lame and fake.

But we’re talking about mothers right? I think it’s ok for us show off our love towards them. Everybody in the world loves their moms. As long as our mothers themselves know it. So, once again we have to go back to the wishes on Facebook and my question before.

Do their moms even know about the wish? Did they see, call or sms their moms and wish?

Hah! Why do I have the feeling that I’m not the only flat-chested here? Hehehee…

P/S:"Perempuan Takde Perasaan"~ boleh tak jadi sequel "Perempuan Berkalung Sorban?"

Kepala aku pulak

2010-04-25T07:34:00.000-07:00

Aku reactivated FB aku 2 jam lepas. Dan deactivated semula setengah jam lepas tu. Dulu aku boleh mengadap FB berjam2. Apa yang aku buat? Tengok gambar terbaru member2, cari member2 lama, chatting ngan member2.

Tapi tadi aku bukak setengah jam je, kepala aku terus pening macam nak meletop. Lagi sakit dari lutut kanan aku.

Apa itu FB sebenarnya? Sejenis social network setau aku. Kalau ada perkataan social, mesti ada kaitan dengan communication. Tapi kebanyakan pengguna FB melanggar semua peraturan communication. Ada 4 conversational maxims yang dipropose oleh Paul Grice. Maxims of Quality, Quantity, Relation and Manner. Boleh kata semuanya tidak diaplikasikan .

Komunikasi sepatutnya mudah. Mungkin kita patut belajar dari lampu isyarat. In communication, we have to be honest and show people our true colours. Seperti lampu isyarat yang sentiasa menunjukkan warna yang sebenar. Kalau tiba2 keluar lampu warna ungu, coklat, kelabu…tak ke haru?

Dan dalam komunikasi ada turn taking. Dah habis sorang cakap, baru yang kedua sambung. Kalau lampu isyarat tiba2 semua bertukar warna hijau serentak…tak ke haru
lagi sekali?

I have over 400 friends in my friends list in FB. Tapi aku masih merindui saat2 ketika aku hanya ada 2,3 orang (sahaja) kawan2 rapat di dunia realiti. Bukan aku anti social. Cuma komunikasi ketika itu sangat mudah dan tidak berbelit dan tidak complicated. Otak aku memang tidak dicipta untuk benda2 complicated. Sebab itu aku tidak boleh ingat jalan2 kat KL dan formula fizik. (Ini bukan alasan semata2 ye.)

Yeah, complicated sounds cool. Macam…bila dapat hafal jalan2 kat KL dan juga formula fizik. But believe me, complicated message and meaning delivering system? Itu standard geng mesyuarat tingkap je kot.

Lutut kanan aku

2010-04-25T00:42:00.000-07:00

Aku baru balik dari kejohanan sukan staf UMP. Untuk pertama kalinya aku join.

Masa Bai bagi senarai nama acara beserta dengan pujukan supaya aku masuk, aku dah rasa pening, perut memulas. Perasaan yang dah dua belas tahun aku tak rasa tetiba datang balik. Aku pun menolak. Tapi kertas tu masih aku pegang dan tenung. Dan Bai terus memujuk dengan mengatakan aku mesti kuat lari punya sebab kaki aku halus macam kaki G. Shanti. G Shanti mana pun aku tak tau. Jiran dia kot. Aku tak termakan pun dengan pujukan dia yang bunyinya lebih kepada nak mengeji dari memuji tu. Camne nak dapat girlfriend mamat ni.

Tapi kertas tu masih aku pegang. 1500m. Acara favourite aku. Perasaan dapat memulakan larian dengan tenang dan mula memintas sorang demi sorang dan kemudian memecut di 70 m terakhir dan akhirnya sampai ke garisan penamat memang sukar nak digambarkan. Tapi itu dua belas tahun yang lepas. Aduh!

Tapi bila Najja, yang baju sukan pun tak pernah bawak tu, tetiba menyatakan persetujuannya untuk turut masuk, aku
pun, pedehal! Masuk ajela. Bukannya olimpik pun. 1500m dan 800m. Walaupun 800m bukan event favourite aku, dan walaupun aku tahu apa ‘bahana’ yang bakal aku dapat nanti. Sekali lagi, pedehal!

Tapi bila sampai di stadium pagi tadi, tetiba aku dan Najjja diberitahu yang event kitorang kensel sebab kitorang je yang gagah fizikal dan mental nak masuk long distance tu. Tak cukup orang. Dan tak pasal2, diorang bagi aku 100m dan 4 x 100m. Pecut. Yang sejak dari tadika lagi pun aku dah tahu aku tak boleh buat. Dahla 4 x 100m tu aku kena team up dengan fakulti lain sebab diorang tak cukup sorang. Kalau ikut perangai aku dulu, memang aku dah buat scene dah kat situ. Suka hati diorang je kan nak humban aku sana sini. Jangan ingat kaki aku panjang, aku boleh pecut. Aku dah pakai badan aku 27 tahun. Aku tahu la kan. Tapi entahlah kenapa, kali ni pun, aku pedehal kan aje. Bukannya olimpik pun.

Makanya, aku pun berlarilah. Result? Saringan 100m aku kalah no 4. Final 100m aku menang last sekali. (Huahuahuahua). 4x100m team kitorang juara kot. Antara 1st dengan 2nd. Persaingan sengit untuk pelari terakhir masa tu. Keputusan rasmi tak tau lagi. Yang pastinya, kalau dia umum nama team nanti pun, bukan nama pusat aku pun la kan. Sekali lagi, pedehal! Yang penting semangat kesukanan.

Dan sekarang aku tengah terbaring atas katil sambil meriwayatkan kisah ni dan menanggung ‘bahana’ yang awal2 lagi aku dah tahu aku akan dapat. Lutut kanan aku dah berdenyut menanti pecah.

Yang ni memang tak boleh nak pedehal.

Aduuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

RIGHT OR WRONG?

2010-04-21T07:46:00.000-07:00

Dr. Mahmud used to say something really meaningful in my Semantic class, one fine Saturday morning, when we were learning about epistemic modality. Epistemic modality has something to do with how confident you are with your words, your speeches, your claims. If you use weak modals like ‘might’, ‘may be’,’should’, etc., it shows that you’re not confident with what you’re saying . It’ll sound vague and not convincing and people won’t buy it. Then, no matter how true your statement is, people will label it as a ‘LIE’. On the other hand, when you use strong modals like ‘will’, ‘can’, ‘must’, etc., it'll just highlight your high level of confidence and people will like it and easily believe it as something ‘TRUE’, even if what you told was a total lie.

What does that tell us?” We, human being, don’t exactly know what is true and what is not. Only God knows it. “~ Dr. Mahmud. That was what he said.

Yup, we don’t. What we have are only perspectives. Only God, His words and His promises are TRUE. That’s why in the movie “THE INVENTION OF LYING”, the community there didn’t know the existence of the “TRUTH and LIE” concept. It was because they didn’t know the concept of ‘GOD’ who they later termed as “THE MAN IN THE SKY”. The only subject that can be closely associated with TRUTH is GOD. Not us.

Back to what I’ve said, what we have are only perspectives regarding a matter. Perspective is the angle from where you view things. And, unless you can merge yourself with the person standing right next to you, there is no possible way for you to have the same perspective as his/her. Even if you glue your right arm to his left, you’ll still see it from different angles.

If I ask you, “ How many triangles are there in a rectangular pyramid?”

If you are viewing it from the front, you’ll say 1.

If you are viewing it from one of the edges, you’ll say 2.

If you are viewing it from the top, you’ll say 4.

If you are viewing it from beneath, you’ll say “Hey, there’s no triangle at all in a rectangular pyramid. There’s only one rectangle. Why is it even called a ‘Pyramid’ then?”

See? So which one is TRUE? And which one should I believe? I can’t say any of you is'WRONG', because you did tell me what you saw, from your perspective. But that didn’t make you ‘RIGHT’ either. You could not say that you’re right because you just don’t have the ability to see it as a whole or even from different angles. And sometimes, you refuse to do so because you think your angle is perfect.

That’s one of the thousands reasons not to simply believe in any human’s words. What you could do is to believe your own perspective from which you see everything with your very own eyes, not somebody else’s. But how do you know you’re standing at the right angle? God actually has stated all the angles for all the matters ever exist in the life manual called Al-Quran. We just have to look for it.

Definition of YOU

2010-04-21T00:50:00.000-07:00

Have you ever thought of what defines you? What clearly completely defines you as YOU?
Is it your job...
your family...
your look...
your clothes...
the car you drive...
the man you date...
the music you listen to...
your zodiac...
your favourite dish...
your hometown...
a scar on your knee that you get during your first cycling lesson...
the number of As printed on your exam result slips...
the number of numbers printed on your pay slips...
or how well you impress people?

What’s the first thing that comes into people’s mind when they heard your name? Don’t you want to know that? If you do, what do you think would be the best way to find it out? Just go and ask them? Maybe, but whatever definition they give, just look for the opposite meaning.

2010-04-15T23:03:00.000-07:00

Don't feel sad or unimportant if someone tells you that you are his/her biggest disappointment. That doesn't mean you suck, it simply tells that you mean a lot to him/her.~ Farah

Don't worry.I'll never be your biggest disappointment.Not even the slightest. That's my purpose of living.

Deactivated

2010-04-13T02:24:00.000-07:00

Aku dah deactivate account Facebook aku. Temporarily. Tiba-tiba rasa penat. Facebook ni ibarat girlfriend gedik yang perlu dilayan kerenahnya 24 jam. So ni kira macam break up sekejap la...(tak tau la brape lama bleh tahan). Perasaannya sama macam bila dah biasa pakai handphone, tetiba handphone tu rosak dan xde duit plak nak repair. Rasa aman yang amat sangat. Tak perlu pikir handphone kat mana, dah caj ke belum, pagi2 kelam kabut cari hp nak cek kot2 ada sms ke, miscall ke. Tak perlu pikir.

Samalah jugak ngan FB. Tak perlu pikir status apa yg plg kontroversi yg patut di post hari ini dengan harapan akan mendapat banyak komen, status cinta yg paling hangat untuk bf supaya satu dunia tau kita tengah bercinta (macamla xde handphone). Tak perlu sibuk2 upload gambar dan beritahu satu dunia percutian terkini dan termahal yang kita pergi dan yg paling penting x perlu menunggu orang komen status atau gambar kita dan saling membalas komen kat situ walaupun yg mengomen hanyalah member sebelah bilik. Banyak sangat yang tak perlu sebenarnya. Ape yg aku pelajari, FB bleh buat member bergaduh, mengundang prasangka buruk, menjadi tempat untuk cari bahan fitnah dan menimbulkan riak. Dan semua pun macam terkena atas batang hidung sendiri. Tapi, FB jugak sebenarnya yg menemukan aku dengan kwn2 lama, tempat aku chatting ngan anak2 sedara dan tempat aku letak gambar Danisha (my youngest niece) supaya Kakak aku di Sg. Buloh bleh tengok. Adehhh...nyesal plak. Tapi cubelah dulu. At least sampai selesai marking ke. Sungguh, perpisahan itu menyeksakan.T_T

Penciptaan 'dua' dan 'tiada'

2010-04-08T05:53:00.001-07:00

Sepertimana kau diciptakan dengan dua
Seperti itulah aku dengan tiada satu pun

Jika kau tidak boleh sedekahkan kedua-duanya atau satu sekalipun
dengan alasan 'penciptaan'
jangan ditanya mengapa aku tidak mencari untuk ada dua atau satu sekalipun

Khamis
7 April 2010
8:58pm

A small black spot

2010-04-08T05:46:00.001-07:00

I don’t know where to start
Every beginning seems like an end
It’s never a straight path
Not even a circle
It’s just another small black spot
Fits my feet
And all the dirt underneath
Do I step out and leave a dirty trail
Or do I just stay to no avail?

Wednesday
7 Apr 2010
8:20 pm
My room

A man with three hemispheres of brain

2010-04-08T05:43:00.000-07:00

A man with three hemispheres of brain
Tell me where did you hide the dark clouds?
I’m gonna need some drops

A man with three hemispheres of brain
Tell me why did you brighten the night sky?
I need to close my eyes

A man with three hemispheres of brain
Tell me why did you pat on my back?
I was just bending over to scrub away all my footsteps

Yes, I was miserable
And thanks to you,
A man with three hemispheres of brain
Now I’m burnt, blind and paralyzed.

Wednesday
7 Apr 2010
10:35 pm
My room

SENGAL

2010-03-15T20:20:00.000-07:00

This is what happen when you accept your students to be your friends in FACEBOOK.
Suddenly,I , the teacher who's been teaching them all this while so that they could become 'CERDIK' studentS, is now their 'SENGAL' friend. Is this just sad or what?

*click to enlarge the image.

THEIR VS THERE

2010-02-23T01:18:00.000-08:00

Aku di dalam kelas.

Student2 sedang asyik melayan Tell Me More (software belajar Bahasa Inggeris)

Tiba2 terdengar seorang student menyumpah.

Perkataan yang disebut oleh komputer di depannya itu tidak difahami.

"Sebutla betul-betul!
'Their' die gi sebut 'de'..
de tu 'there'...
'their' sebut ar 'dea'...
Bodoh nye la!!!"

(maaf, sy terpaksa guna huruf 'd'...kat sini xde simbol fonetik yg sesuai)

Pesanan untuk semua pelajar dan bukan2 pelajar di luar sana dan untuk diri aku jugak,

"KALAU DAH BODOH TU, TAK PAYAH LAH NAK SOMBONG PULAK!"

Kepada yang malas untuk mencari asbab di sebalik pesanan saya di atas tu, dalam bahasa Inggeris, yang digunapakai oleh Queen Elizabeth and kaum keluarganya,, 'THEIR' & 'THERE', sama sebutannya.

Sekian,terima kasih.

Lembu

2010-02-21T23:00:00.000-08:00

Kukira diri ini sangat bertuah
Kerana aku dapat melihat dengan mataku sendiri
Keajaiban alam ciptaan Tuhan dan segala yang menghuninya

Aku pernah lihat
5 hingga 6 ekor lembu
Berbaris bersebelahan dalam barisan yang amat lurus
Kerana dengar khabarnya lembu-lembu itu kenal alif ba ta
Dihadapan setiap dari mereka itu ada seutas tali
1 inci diameternya
10 kaki panjangnya
Dan disebelahnya sebuah cangkuk besi yang hampir dibalut karat seluruhnya

Tiba-tiba muncul si gembala
Tersenyum memandang mereka
Mereka pun membalas senyuman si gembala
Semakin lama semakin lebar
Hingga hampir menitis liur yang sudah bergenang di pinggir bibir

Si gembala kemudian melambai memanggil mereka
Sebelum berpaling dalam lenggok terlentik
Membuat hati mereka terasa dijentik
Terus dengan serentak
Cangkuk karat disauk dan dikepitnya lubang hidung berkerak
Sakit tapi tak terasa
Kemudian diambil pula tali di hadapan mereka
Lalu mengikatnya dengan kemas sekali pada cangkuk karat
Disenggah tali berkali-kali
Hingga mereka pasti takkan terlucut lagi

Kemudian dengan langkah senada
Mereka menarik hidung sendiri
Sehingga mereka terdorong ke depan
Perlahan-lahan
Membuntuti si gembala

Dan hari ini,
Bertambah lagi seekor.
Bukan salah gembala kerana tangannya tidak menarik
Bukan salah lembu kerana hidungnya dicipta takkan tercarik
Sesungguhnya kejadian Tuhan itu penuh ajaib.

Kalau Kau Tanya

2010-02-08T05:15:00.000-08:00

Kalau kau tanya, rindukah aku padamu
Mungkin aku hanya mampu membisu
Kalau kau tanya, sukakah aku padamu
Mungkin aku hanya mampu mengangkat bahu
Kalau kau tanya, sayangkah aku padamu
Mungkin aku hanya mampu termangu
Kalau kau tanya ,cintakah aku padamu
1000 tahun lagipun, jawabnya belum tentu ku tahu

Rindu, suka, sayang, cinta
Semuanya dah lama berkubur
Sekaligus membuatkan aku kabur
Langsung buta
Untuk menilai keindahan hubungan sepasang manusia

Namun, apa yang aku rasa
Setiap kali kau menangis
Aku ingin sekali berada di sisi
Menyua bahu untuk kau bersandar

Setiap kali kau ketawa
Aku ingin sekali menghentikan masa
Dan menatap saat indah itu buat selamanya

Setiap kali kau membisu
Aku mula tak keruan
Bertanya di mana silap, di mana kesalahan

Setiap kali kau mengaduh kesakitan
Aku rela jadi pengganti
Walau kutahu deritanya abadi

Setiap kali kau terlena
Aku ingin sekali menjadi bidadari
Yang menghibur dan menyeri mimpi

Dan setiap kali kau bernafas
Aku ingin sekali menjadi nadi
Yang berdenyut memberi kau kehidupan
Dari hari ke hari

Hanya itulah
Sekelumit perasaanku
Terhadapmu

Selasa
07/09/04
3.02 am

P/S:Ni lah puisi jiwang yg paling jiwang yg berjaya aku tulis...

RE: ALASAN

2010-01-28T04:12:00.001-08:00

FROM: ANONYMOUS

aku gundah...
aku bertanya pada diri..
apakah?
tapi tiada bertamu jawabnya..

aku sedih....
aku soal pada minda ini...
apakah?
tidak bernoktah kalamnya....

aku rindu...
aku soal pada minda....
apakah?
tidak,tak mungkin jiwa ku meronta...

kerana itu hanya yang esa ada jawapanya..
aku mampu mencari dan aku mampu mengubahnya..
yang berikan takdir dan jalan hanya ALLAH S.A.W....

Alasan

2010-01-18T01:33:00.000-08:00

Mata berair menahan titis
Habuk pun singgah dan berkata
“Tanamlah aku dalam matamu”

Tubuh bergetar menanggung sedih
Dingin pun singgah dan berkata
“Hiruplah aku ke liang tubuhmu”

Hati retak ditimpa golak
Pedang pun datang dan berkata
“Hunuslah aku ke dasar hatimu”

Nafas hinggut menanti putus
Awan pun menerpa dan berkata
“Tekuplah aku ke wajahmu”

Terima kasih awan.
Terima kasih semua.
Tapi kamu semua masih tak padan
Untuk aku namakan sebuah ALASAN.

Isnin
18 Jan 2010
5:30pm
Ofis aku.

Epilog Sasau

2009-12-21T08:03:00.000-08:00

Aku sudah lama ingin
Menikam segala susah
Membunuh segala risau
Mengubur segala sasau

Lalu kucapai pisau
Sambil mengilas lampau
Hulu pisau sudah dibalut genggam
Genggam yang diselimut dendam
Kiriku merentap
Kananku menghayun
Nafasnya hampir-hampir ku renggut
Tapi akhirnya lututku yang merebah
Genggamku melemah
Dan pisau jatuh ke tanah

Aku dongak ke langit
Mencari biru yang katanya bakal tercalit
Tapi awan sudah terlalu berat
Terlalu sarat
Lalu aku kembali tunduk ke tanah
Tanah yang di atasnya masih ada pisau..

Isnin
21 Dis 2009
11:35pm
Bilik aku

How I Wish

2009-12-15T09:46:00.000-08:00

http://www.megomuseum.com/woz/images/WitchLoose.jpg

How I wish I’m a witch
Who could turn a scar into a star

How I dream I’m not a wimp
Who would scream at every chance of a beam

How I think I’m a shrink
Who could pull out the threat out of my head

How I hope I’m not a joke
Who would always get but no...not quite yet.

Wednesday
16/12/09
1:43 am
My Room

Who Am I?

2009-12-05T09:26:00.000-08:00

http://www.salon.com/health/feature/1999/09/16/memory/cov_memory.gif

Brain is always a wonder to me. No one could explain how it really works. No one could really tell what’s happening inside. It alone operates the whole you. It coordinates the rest of your body parts. It translates your thoughts into words that’ll later come out from your mouth. It lets you experience things and later stores them .And that is how you possess memories.

Each second, we’ll create a new memory. Sometimes you create a new memory by reminiscing an old one.

“Do you still remember those days, when we were still young and we used to ring our neighbour’s door and quickly hide in the bush? If we get lucky, the handsome Brian will be the one who gets it. If we’re not, it’ll be that father of his with his balloon-like tummy. Errgghhh!”

And sometimes you create a new memory by trying to forget one.

“Don’t remind me about him. I used to date him. And he dumped me!”
“You used to date Brian?!!”
“No. His father.”
Oops.

One brain irony that I know: The harder you try to delete a memory, the harder it sticks there.

Why is memory so important? Why do we want to remember things from the past?
Just imagine, one day, you wake up from your sleep, you’re suddenly in this place full of beds with white sheets and people in white uniforms. And then, there’s this guy in a long white lab coat with earphones-like thing in his ears except that the other end is not attached to an MP3 player but your chest. Upon seeing you opening your eyes, he smiles. You do not recognize him. You look around and frown as nothing makes sense to you. Then, he says,” Hi, I’m Dr. YUDON NOMI”. You still look confused. Then the conversation continues.

Dr. YUDON NOMI: I’m the one who’s been treating you...

You: But...I...

Dr. YUDON NOMI : You hit your head pretty bad in an accident...

You: don’t...

Dr. YUDON NOMI : and we think that there might be a chance ....

You: know...

Dr. YUDON NOMI : that you might suffer from.....

You: Who am I?

Dr. YUDON NOMI : amnesia.

WHO AM I? Seems like an easy question. The easiest of all. But it’ll be the hardest once you lose your memory.

So at that moment, without your prior memories, how are you going to define yourself?
It sure is a pleasure to start a new life without interference from the past, especially a past that you don’t want to remember. But then, you’ll have trouble getting to know yourself. Even if you hate the ‘past you’, and you’ve been meaning to create a new identity, how would you know that you won’t end up being the same person? You still need to know yourself and only your past can define who you really are. See, there’s another irony there: The more you want to change yourself, the more you need to know yourself. So, that’s one reason for you to need a memory. One of thousands reasons.

And for me, our life itself is simply a series of memories. A continuation from one to the other. From bad to good, from good to terrible, from terrible to wonderful from wonderful to bla...bla...bla...It never stops until the moment your heart does. Just like the way a video camera stops when the batteries are flat.

Yes, in some ways, human do function like a video camera. We have eyes (lenses) and brain (memory card). Our eyes see images in motion and the memory faculty in your brain captures and stores them. Except that, we don’t really have a systematic way of storing and retrieving them. Sometimes, you get it back, sometimes you don’t. Sometimes, it’s crystal clear, sometimes even a bonk on your head won’t help to enhance the resolution. Maybe that’s the reason why they invented video camera.

New Moon

2009-12-02T02:14:00.000-08:00

I’ve watched New Moon. What do I have to say about it? Tasteless. As pale as Edward and the rest of his family....and the entire vampire community. These are the reasons:

1.I couldn’t feel Victoria’s vengeance.
She should have planned a brutal attack. She should have brought a gang. Instead, she waited for Bella in the water? Was that the best she could do? She didn’t even have a room full of Bella’s pictures, crossed on the faces. Guess what? She didn’t even look mad.

2.I couldn’t feel Bella’s pain.
She sat on the chair and stared out of the window for three months? Is that even logical? I didn’t see any cobweb on her. How would you know if she sat there for two minutes, once a month? The nightmare was ok. But again, she cuddled Jacob in no time.

3.I couldn’t feel Jacob’s great love.
What made you fall in love with Bella in the first place? At least, Edward has that ‘She-has-mouthwatering-blood-smell-and-I-could-read-all-minds-except-hers-and-my-sister-Alice-saw-us-playing-stupid-chase-and-run-in-the-wood-vision’ reason for his attraction towards Bella. What’s yours Jacob?

What’s the proof that shows you really love her? You built her a motorcycle even though you knew it’s dangerous? You didn’t look reluctant at all. You took off your shirt and use it to wipe her blood? That’s not love, that’s more like seducing to me. You didn’t do it out of concern, you were smiling. Seemed like you were thinking to yourself, “Hey, this is a good chance. I’m going to show her my great body and how ‘beautiful’ I am.” Couldn’t Bella figure that? Oh, yeah....her mind reader wasn’t there.

4.I couldn’t feel Edward’s greater love.
What’s up with the “It’s not you, it’s me” speech? Come on. You don’t need to be a vampire to be that lame. And you protecting Bella with your ghostly spirit but in the end, when you wanted to find out whether Bella is still alive, you called her? Using telephone?

That’s it. Tasteless. I couldn’t feel a thing. What I could definitely feel was Jacob’s well sculptured ceps and packs . Any other time, I would enjoy that kind of scene. But not this time. You use the shirt you’re currently wearing to wipe my blood off my face, I would then throw my vomit off yours. So, you better save the shirt for that reason. Yeah, you got a hot body, we got it!

Edward, please...no more slow motion walking scene...or running. They were not beautiful.

I’m sorry if the reason for me not getting this story is because I didn’t read the book version. But that’s not an excuse for them to come out with this kind of movie. A movie on its own is supposed to make you understand the whole story. Even though Twilight was quite disappointing as I expected it to be full of action, I was so into Edward at that time, so......plus I’m hoping New Moon would help. But ....nope, New Moon destroyed it. So did Edward. I’m so mad as I did have high expectation on it, and as I paid RM50 for the tickets, as I brought along 1 sister and 3 nieces to the movie.

As a conclusion, I give you what I wrote about Twilight, a year ago.

“Actually, I can say I was quite disappointed with this movie as I expected more actions. But it’s ok, EDWARD CULLEN covers it all right! And I’ve heard there’s a sequel entitled New Moon. Let’s hope they’re saving it for this one.”

God, I wish I have Alice’s supervision.

The Lesson Learned In Time

2009-11-22T02:56:00.000-08:00

TIME OF YOUR LIFE

Another turning point;
a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist;
directs you where to go.

So make the best of this test
and don't ask why.
It's not a question
but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs
and still frames in your mind.
Hang it on a shelf
In good health and good time.

Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial.
For what it's worth,
it was worth all the while.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

(music break)

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

I’ve listened to this song a thousand times before...but during those time, my ears preferred the melody more, and trying to concentrate on the lyrics would be a hassle for them........But last week, when I was trying to prepare a farewell speech for my second sem in UM, I suddenly got the idea to name the speech, THE LESSON LEARNED IN TIME, then it occurred to me that it sounded familiar...and I remembered...it is one of the lines from this song...then I searched for the lyrics and..there it was, MY FAREWELL SPEECH...custom-made for me....this song is NOTHING BUT TRUE...fit every bit of myself and my time.

We have a very close relationship with time...so close that we did not notice it..., like the relationship between our eyeballs and their lids...the eyelids are always there, to protect the eyeballs, but because they’re very close...the eyeballs are not aware of them...how do you make your eyeballs aware of the lids? Ask your eyeballs to look in the mirror...and that is the exact same thing you yourself should do to make you aware of your relationship with time...look in the mirror...while the eyeballs are addressing their gratitude to the lids...you can kill your time by counting the additional lines somewhere around the eyelids...how many lines were there last time? And now?

Start counting...forwards...backwards...whichever suits you.

Tap Tup Tip

2009-11-19T22:56:00.000-08:00

Titis hujan yang jatuh
Menimpa atap
Rumput
Cermin
Daun-daun
Tin kosong
Bunyi yang berbeza
Tap
Tup
Tip
Tipu...aku pun tak tahu bagaimana bunyi hujan
Bunyi yang mudah
Kedengaran jelas di telinga
Tapi tidak mampu untuk aku perdengarkan kembali
Rasa tersia semua ilmu yang ada
Rasa kecil aku di dunia
Lebih kecil dari setitis hujan.

Jumaat
20 Nov 2009
2:55 pm
Ofis

P/S: Musim tengkujuh dah bermula...

Bukti kekuasaan Tuhan

2009-10-13T01:07:00.001-07:00

Hari ni aku dapat email…yang di dalamnya menceritakan tentang pengalaman seseorang yang aku tak kenal. Katanya dia melihat bulan yang dipagar pelangi (lingkaran seperti gegelang yang sangat terang dan warnanya kelihatan seperti pelangi)dan disisinya ada sebutir bintang yang juga sangat terang. Kemudian kelihatan juga kepulan awan yang membentuk kalimah ALLAH. Dia menceritakan betapa takjubnya dia dengan fenomena tersebut dan beberapa kali dia menyebut Subhanallah dan tertanya2 apakah yang cuba ditunjukkan oleh ALLAH, Tuhan pencipta alam. Memang itulah yang patut kita lakukan bila kita melihat keajaiban ciptaan Tuhan. Bertasbih.

Tapi maaf aku katakan, cara dia menulis seperti dia baru sedar yang Tuhan itu wujud. Seperti dia baru sedar yang Tuhan itu punya segala kekuasaan dan kehebatan. Dengan riuh-rendahnya kawasan perumahannya kerana semua orang keluar dari rumah dan dengan kelam kabutnya suami dia mencari kamera untuk mengambil gambar fenomena tersebut. Langsung dia menceritakan yang ini adalah kali ketiga dia terjumpa bukti kekuasaan Tuhan. Sebelum ini dia pernah terjumpa biji buah pear dan akar kayu yang tertulis kalimah Allah.

Terasa kerdil diri ini untuk terus menulis hal2 yang begini. Tapi rasanya adalah tidak patut untuk seseorang yang mengaku beriman dengan Allah itu mengatakan, sepanjang puluhan tahun hidupnya, baru tiga kali dia terjumpa bukti kekuasaan Allah. Sedang setiap kali kita terjaga dari tidur, setelah dimatikan sementara, itu juga bukti kekuasaan Allah. Setiap kali kaki melangkah. Setiap kali mata berkelip. Bahkan setiap nafas yang kita hela, semua itu bukti kekuasaan Allah. Mengapa perlu Tuhan tunjukkan yang besar2, yang cantik2, yang hebat2 , yang jauh di angkasa, yang dalam di dasar laut, baru kita nak nampak? Patutkah kita hanya perlu berasa kagum dengan keindahan langit malam dan hanya gentar pada dahsyatnya tsunami? Sedang pada sehalus2 bulu roma di badan kita sendiri sudah jelas bukti kuasa-Nya.

Aku juga pernah terjumpa fenomena yang sama seperti yang dia ceritakan. Sewaktu tingktan 4, di sekolah. Masa tu kitorang tengah buat latihan kawad…yup, berlatih kawad tengah malam. Sedang kitorang berehat di padang, salah sorang kawan terpandang langit dan terlihatlah bulan yang sangat terang dan dikelilingi gegelang pelangi tu. Apa yang kitorang buat? Kitorang pun ramai2 baring atas rumput, menghela dan menghembus dingin angin malam dan bertasbih dalam diam, menyaksikan keindahan ciptaan Tuhan. Kami tidak tertanya apakah yang cuba Tuhan tunjukkan. Sebab sesungguhnya Dia tidak perlu tunjukkan dan buktikan apa-apa pun pada kita.

That Melody

2009-10-10T21:10:00.000-07:00

That melody is a prophecy
A-D-F-E-G-B-C
That melody is a remedy
B-A-C-F-G-E-D
That melody is an allergy
D-F-E-C-A-B-G
That melody is a pray
G-D-E-C-B-F-A
That melody is everything you want to be
G-E-F-A-D-C-B
Yet you are born deaf
D-A-B-E-G-C-F
What a beautiful irony
F-D-B-A-C-G-E

Saturday
10 Oct 2009
7:29 PM
RH 4215 (KL-KTN)

Night Sky

2009-10-03T06:39:00.000-07:00

Every night
I look up in the sky
Hoping that I'll see that star
The one that's passed on only through whispers
The one that grants all your wishes
And tonight i saw it
But little did know
I's not a star
It's never a star
It's the Air Force
bouncing Mr. Morimoto's satellite off the atmosphere
So the World War III planned by Farrokh Bulsara would be over
How on earth did I think that I know everything that happens up in the sky?
Maybe I shouldn't wish at all.

Saturday
3/10/09
10:19 pm
My room

Might

2009-09-28T00:20:00.000-07:00

It might not have in itself a word of comfort
But neither does It have on itself a speck of dirt
You might tell
It might not listen
It might listen
It might not understand
It might understand
It might not remember
It might remember
But it just don't deliver
Might not be easy for It
But the world might actually be a better place
Without It sticking itself out at everybody’s face
Be it It’s the only one in Its race
Who’s punished for not knowing how to taste.

Sunday
27/09/09
5:34 pm
My room

Raya Lagik...

2009-09-16T19:53:00.000-07:00

Hari ni hari last kerja..esok sampai ahad depan dah stat cuti raye..

Ehh..macam pernah dengar je ayat kat atas ni..hehe..inilah intro untuk entry aku tahun lepas yg bertarikh 25 Sept 2008 yg bertajuk 'Raya'.

Kenapa aku guna intro yang sama?

Sebab mmg benda yg sama yg akan berlaku. So tak payahla penat2 cari intro baru..heheh

Yup...ari ni last aku keje...esok dah stat cuti raya.Cuma tahun lepas, di saat aku menulis entry tu, student masih belum bercuti, dan aku masih gigih buat kelas. Sekarang ni student dah seminggu bercuti dan aku menulis di ofis. Paper students menimbun nak di 'mark'. Tapi dah mood raya aku lagi menimbun, nak buat camne kan?

Tahun lepas aku menceritakan betapa klisenya raya aku dan betapa aku menyampah dengan klise itu dan aku dengan konfidennya menjangkakan benda yg sama akan berlaku tahun tu. Raya pertama di Bt 12, raya kedua di Kg Baru. Tup2...tahun lepas raya pertama tu aku tak kemana2. Duduk di rumah, melayan budak2 yg dtg beraya dan layan DVD Denice The Menace dengan bapak aku sebab bapak aku tiba2 tak nak keluar beraya. Aku agak marahla jugak. Yelah, raya kan...mestilah nak jumpa sedara mara kat Bt 12, Kg Baru...

Tapi bila difikir balik, bukankah aku jugak yg mengeluh sebab raya aku berjadual, tak ubah macam jadual kelas aku. Fixed. So, kenapa tahun lepas aku nak marah pulak sebab tak dapat beraya macam 'tahun2 sebelumnya?'...erm...I wonder...

I guess I could despise the cliche and the annoyance that comes with it, but I couldn't help missing all those smiles and laughters too..The annoyance, apparently, is just a mere corollary that I can do nothing with but to bear..

SElAMAT HARI RAYA